Ow, my neck hurts. Why? It's the waltzers. They're the most evilist of things ever invented. You see them whizzing and spinning and they look such fun, so you climb aboard but they're too low and your head gets fair ripped off your shoulders by the gyroscopic business of it all (or something). You scream "NO! DON'T SPIN ME ANY MORE PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!" but the dirty-nailed waltzer boy thinks you're playing the helpless maiden and having a bit of a flirt, so he gives you a cheeky grin and spins you faster to, like, flirt back a bit and the next day you feel like you should be mooching around the bell tower of Notre Dame. I'm thinking of writing to Watchdog to complain. Give Alice Beer something to get her teeth into. Beer's not a very classy surname is it? If I was her, I'd change it to something better like Black Wych Stout. Alice Black Wych. That's got a nice ring to it. My friend knows a Cockburn, as in the port, not the painful sensation. Talking of ridiculous names, right out of the blue, up pops Mr Spanners from the land of lurkerdom:

...

HELLO LUCY ALDER - MY BUNS ARE CLENCHED FOR YOU...

Ooh, luvverly - I've only sampled the hot cross variety of late. Pete Waterman is obviously after any publicity he can get for Steps, even though the Brits story is Last Year's News. Before this long, drawn out saga goes any further, perhaps the best way to settle the matter would be to have an afternoon of Steps/B&S TAG TEAM WRESTLING. Steps enter the ring first, in matching blue PVC capes. H looks particularly fetching in his tight little shorts and war paint. Now, into the ring come our heroes, in towelling dressing gowns, bunny slippers and Stu is even carrying his blankie. Round one, ding ding! What's this? Isobel leaps over the ropes, takes out the cello she's been hiding under the voluminous folds of her dressing gown, swings it round her head a couple of times, then hurls it across the ring towards the opposition, knocking out each and every one of them out and leaving Lisa with severe brain damage. No, my mistake, she was brain dead already. So, that puts a lid on the matter and Pete Waterman can SHUT UP, RIGHT? Right. Juicy Lucy -- This communication contains information which is confidential and may also be privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient(s), please note that any distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately and then destroy any copies of it. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+