Certain things in life bother me. In fact, a lot of things in life bother me. Of course, this happens to everyone. I was talking with my girlfriend the other day about music. She said she used to rely on music to make her happy, but now she relies more on the interaction between her and other people. This is a good thing, I suppose. The debate about the meaning of music and how important it is has raged on and on for years. But it will never be solved. I knew this when I was talking about it. I knew it before, and I still know it now. I just hate the fact that things can't be solved. I realized it a long time ago, the sort of disillusionment of youth that happens to most everyone who thinks about it enough. It was at this point I turned to art and entertainment to make me feel better. Sort of shallow things perhaps, but why not? Politics is annoying in this way. All the fighting for equal rights, liberalism, conservatism, socialism, all of this seems worthless. It will never work out. We're only human, and as long as a human can do it, he/she will fuck someone over. It's the way we are. In this respect, a perfect government will never work. There are some better than others, but even in the better ones, there are too many problems. They'll never be fixed, so why get angry about it? Why try to change it? It seems useless. However, if everyone thinks in this way, nobody will try to change things anymore. And big changes have occured, but everything seems so pointless to even try anymore. America is so steeped in conservatism, and with all these outside elements (terrorism, etc...), it's going to be even harder to change. It's awfully depressing. This is the old idealist vs. realist thing. I find it harder and harder to be an idealist these days. Same goes for love, which you indie sentimental folk love to talk about. It's all sort of worthless too. How often do relationships really work out? How giving can one person be for so long? You know that someone is going to get tired, and things will fuck up, and there will be bad patches. And eventually, it will end. Marriages that last awhile seem to be rare, and when they do happen, it's usually at the expense of true happiness or dignity on someone's part or something like that. I know that's vague, but whatever. My cyberpunk class this year has bugged me in the same fashion. We read these articles on the ethics of lawnmower man and the feminisation of the male body in Total Recall. But why? What's the point? Why does this matter? What are we learning about? Are we learning about ourselves? I dont' think so. Lawnmower Man and Total Recall are both shitty movies in my opinion. Criticism can be constructive if it points out problems and plusses that will help the filmaker, or the viewer decide if it's worth watching. But detailed shit like that just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make the meaning any greater for me. Oh, so the 13th floor and the Matrix both involve Buidriad's 4 levels of simulation. So? Why is this pertinent to anybody or anything? I took the midterm in there, which was two essays. I thumbed through the articles, making up bullshit that sounded good for the essay. I got tired of it, just stopped, turned it in, and left. I got a 19.5 out of 20. How is this possible? I didn't believe in any of it, yet I still got a good grade. It's bullshit. I don't know. This is why music is important to me. It gets me away. It makes me stop thinking of all this senseless shit that nobody will ever figure out. What makes us human, if there is a God, etc... It's all useless. I'm tired of fighting it. I just want to escape. I'll just go put on "Summer Wasting" and feel a lot better. Sorry if this was long and stupid. I haven't really read over it. Or proofread, or revised my thoughts. It's just an on the fly rant. Feel free to email me and bitch about it, I know I deserve it. -Matt _________________________________________________________________ Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+