Sinister, sinister: I am truly in love. No, not with a person, not with anything I can say or talk about with some sense of reality, but with everything. Last week I got home from a terrible retreat for my catholic youth group. Its called Action, and it is full of the kids I went to grade school with and the jocks and such from my highschool. And my old best friends. Not a single person out of the group of about two hundred do I know well. I went on the retreat to learn how to snowboard and because I love hills and Chicago is FLAT. I was a leader of a cabin of nine people, two of which I know/knew one was a boy I had a crush on for years in grade school. And the other seven were strangers from the area. The Adult, his name was Ben and he was 25, and I got on well; he was a really open guy who liked to talk, and he made me feel good about myself. The whole time I was there (six days) I was selfless, helpful and reserved. But when Ben and I began to talk, I gained this strength I didn't know I had and talked loud and without stumbles. I said things I only thought and I was happy. But the Last night a senior in my cabin got crushed, she was very upset about something big, and Ben and I were supposed to talk that night, he said he had something to tell me about. This girl, however, stole him upstairs with two others and I was with the freshman, who all fell asleep within two hours. At Eight the next morning we were leaving, so getting ready to go was a big part of the night. It was about five, and I cleaned the whole cabin by myself. For about ten minutes, Ben came back downstairs to talk to me, seeing that I was bored. He complimented me on my cleaning skills and thanked me for making the cabin dinner. He told me that I HAD MY LIFE TOGETHER AND I AM THE KIND OF PERSON WHO IS NOT PHASED BY WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE. That was it, after being ignored by this rad guy for the night, he tells me that no one matters to me? Everyone matters, and everything. I ran outside crying. My retreat was horrible and I still dot believe in God. Also, Tuesday, my boyfriend told me he was also having sex with someone else. We didn't make up, so things are still on the rocks with him. And my best friend and I are not talking and my installation at school fell through and I cant take the classes I want to take and I cant go out and I cant do what I want.... BUT I AM HAPPY. The snow is melting and I am happy. I went for a run with my dog this morning and got my pay check and I am happy without anyone. And I AM not sorry that this is so long. I like it this way. Kate of Chicago ps Jeremy, i miss you, email me pps lucas, the same goes for you, i ahve your pics ppps Ken, you're hot +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+