It has been a shameful week for us all. A decent man has been unfairly tormented by purveyors of smut and innuendo. He has been needlessly humiliated before a global audience, and the most intimate details of his life have become the stuff of prurient gossip. I refer, of course, to the minor kerfuffle over the painting which adorns my living room wall, henceforth to be known as the “The boy in need of an arab strap”. Now that the whole fiasco has died down, I can return to the list, and say just one thing: Peter, what on earth is a “Strawberry and Chocolate Scenario”? On second thoughts, maybe I really don’t want to know. I followed funkyseb’s funkytip and watched that vampire nonsense on Channel 4 last night, to watch Miles getting chomped by bloodsuckers. It was complete tosh, but I learnt one thing: all vampires favour rollneck tops, to hide their exotic “hickies”. I am now eternally vigilant. And, strangely, there is one list member who has attempted to revive these garments, and is known to lurk in shrubbery and flowerbeds after dark. I suggest you take a gander at (http://www.majordomo.net/sinister/people/keithpissed.jpg) and think very carefully about going to Manchester this Xmas. My contribution to talking about Paul behind his back: everyone knows that Paul named his newts after characters in “Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?”. But I bet you didn’t know that this was no idle 1970s nostalgia: Paul is actually the illegitimate lovechild of tv’s miseryboots, James Bolam! A quick bit of content: I was in our caff yesterday lunchtime, and a B&S tape was playing “It snows up Barney Sumner’s nose”, and two seperate people went up to the bar to ask who this fantastic band were. It fair warmed the cockles of my heart. Back to gossip and in-jokes: <ahem> So Farewell then, Hippo Hopkins. You were T!O!P! O!F! O!U!R! P!O!P!S! Your favourite artists were King Tubby, Ernest Tubbs and Buster Bloodvessel. We will all miss your ... ... ... ... Pinteresque pauses. Finally, the real deal. I mentioned last week I was preparing an exciting competition, and now it can be unveiled. I’ve recently been delivered some new books by Ian McMillan, Simon Armitage and Glyn Maxwell, who some of you may remember from Saint Mark Radcliffe’s nighttime show a few years back. To win these fabulous prizes I thought I would put the your poetry muscles to the test, so I now announce MR TROUSERS’S EXCITING SINISTER HAIKU COMPETITION. A haiku, as you all know, is composed of three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables. Your task is to write a haiku on some aspect of sinister life. It can be about the list: Tell us your fave bands! We are all fascinated! No, really we are. About the band: Feeling sinister? Heed the words of Stuart D: This is pish, I’m off. Or it can be an in-joke to ingratiate yourself to the Dad’s Army of Sinister Old-timers Though he has no lips. The song snake does not feel sad. His tongue is superb. Send your entries to me privately. Points will be awarded to haiku that display a feeling for the form, ethereal use of language, and imaginative use of the phrase “English Cock Cage”. A special prizewinner will also receive a signed print of the painting from my front room. The winners will be announced on October 8, which, as you know, is National Poetry Day. Avanti! Trousers xxxxx PS: Londoners! There will be another Shinister Shindig at the Poetry Caff in Covent Garden next Friday, the 2nd of October. I will put details up on the Jeepster events page soon. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". For list archives and searching, list rules, FAQ, poor jokes etc, see http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +---+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" +---+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+