hello, sinister. well. perhaps i was too harsh about old dear catastrophe. for something i don't like, i do find myself listening to it quite frequently. like. every morning when i get ready for school. in the beginning, i told myself it was because i was trying hard to like it. because, i said to my roommate, perhaps i owed it to the band in some way, or at least to the glory i always derived from said entourage. but today, when i carried the little orange circle down the two flights of stairs to my car, i realized halfway to the university that the real reason i was listening to it every day was because, well. i kind of like it. and i remember thinking, as other people have said, that i would never really like the album as much as i might eventually because it was released in the wrong weather. but today, as i was driving through a classic autumn in nebraska (overcast, windy, cold enough to almost bite your ankles), i had a sneaking suspicion the belle and sebastian had released those songs during the perfect season. i can say that i love the hell out of piazza. and i don't feel badly about that at all. as for the rest of it, well.....it's growing on me. so there. maybe i was wrong. *** and saying that, i have been thinking i am wrong a lot of the time about a lot of things. knowing this, though, apparently does not stop me from speaking out about those things i consider. i apologized for something i said in a class last week. it's one of those english classes in which the graduate students choose to continually, at 10:30 in the morning, bring out all the largest words in their personal lexicons and string them together into sentences, almost disdained that they must lower themselves to such a plebian verbal structure. so i said something about poetry. about dante, to be exact, and the nature of his narration in the divine comedy. and as soon as i said it i felt inferior for using 'normal' language to say something that didn't feel as immediate or important as what everyone else was saying. and i usually never do that, even if i do doubt what i am saying. i suppose i want to always speak with the strongest of voices. i have heard the voice of my poetry is strong, and i like to think that is a true extension of me. but when do you know what to say with strength? in recent weeks, i've said things with confidence and full belief at the time i said them, and later, i wondered if i really believed in the words -- or any feeling behind them -- at all. it makes a girl lose confidence, you know. all that doubt. about life. and language. and love. and the love for all the preceeding. my professor sent me an email after the class. and he said i should never apologize for what i say. he said he was glad i said what i did, and that he thought it was an important point. he is a good man. and when i read those two sentences. i thought maybe i worried too much about trying to figure everything out. about trying to decide what is right and wrong and when it is right and wrong to be one or the other. so maybe i will say things even if they may only be right at the time i say them. maybe the rest works itself out later. *** and to that person who sent it, thank you for the crush vote. say hi. because this is me saying hi to you. xo.lou. ===== www.somewhereinbetween.net __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Exclusive Video Premiere - Britney Spears http://launch.yahoo.com/promos/britneyspears/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+