Hello sinisters I have to tell you about the man who almost killed me yesterday. His arms bulged with tattoos. The left arm said Belle and the right one Sebastian. If only. He lips said "I'm going to get you, you fucker." The customers were quite surprised. The man was shaking his fists over the counter because he said I'd "Called him a thief", which wasn't true at all, and told me to come outside and settle it. It took Gay Jon to scare him off; I was hopeless. Jon just told him to stop being so silly and gave him a look and the man went away. "You bastard", I shouted, but I don't think he heard. It was half an hour later, anyway. Kinky Ken said

Philip Boucher did a lot of maths, which was quite funny, but unfortunately one of the lines was mathematically incorrect.. I pick up on these things, being a maths teacher and all.

Mmm, yes. a square-root squared leaves whatever was inside the square root. So the answer becomes women = all evil. Which is, of course, completely untrue. Watch out Philip, Mr Chu will be after you with his cane. I'm being haunted by the ghost of Pancake, the goldfish. Strange sounds have been coming from the wheelie bin, like a bubbling fish-voice muffled by teabags and carrot tops. Once I thought it said "You killled meee!" - a damning accusation - but on second thoughts it sounded more like "I'm gilled, meee" - a harmless fact. The fish must be thinking of the meaning of its fishy life. These noises, they could be a ghost, or maybe a mouse, but I suspect its only my guilty imagination. Poor Pancake. The bugs nibbled on Laura Llew

However, I am comforted by the fact that I now have an instant game of connect the dots to entertain me wherever I am. Perhaps I will get lucky and one of them will form the silhouette of Elvis and I can be featured in the next Enquirer.

Or if you're unlucky they could form a sausage and you'd end up in Sausage Weekly. There's hundreds of people with birthmarks in the shape of Jesus, you know, or the Virgin Mary, or Elvis. But we never get to hear about those poor souls with foot fungus in the shape of Wogan, or a bum rash that's the image of David Copperfield. They must be out there somewhere. The poor afflicted souls. Right, I'm off to have a picnic in my back garden. Is anyone coming? Robin x _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+