As I write from my hotel room in LA, my thoughts turn to my sweet busstopper Sara, and what has become of her. Every time I come to LA, I manage to see her. Sweet, pure, my valentine. Platonic love, trust, simple and complete. I call, her cell phone number rings and another person answers. She must of cancelled it. It is sad that I don't know how to get in touch with her, and I wont get to see her when I'm on the west coast this time. DJing is not going well. Last time at the venue, the band didn't show, and their crowd of friends and bar customers. While it is not important to me personally for them to spend, it is of course important for the owner to make a few bucks so that she can keep the space open, and provide me with a place to spin. I do it for the love of the music, and honestly not much else. Its not easy to choose and to haul two crates of music and assorted gear from Jersey to Williamsburg. And its completely disheartining to spin to only the bartender and the uninterested people that run frequently to the bathroom, in pairs, for my self-deceptingly mysterious, but plainly obvious reasons. I have a girl I am in like with. I can't tell her all of what will follow, but I love the fact that she is too busy to see me becuase she needs to create the architecturial drawings for a beach house in California. When I meet a girl, I look into the future and see what it holds. If I cant see past the third conversation or unrequited sushi, I often politely demure, and decide this person is better as a friend. The architect girl I see - 5 years from now - her and I interviewed by the NY times about the house she designed in upstate New York, built on 20 acres. The picture in the article would have me standing behind her, with my hand on her shoulder, both following and helping. The house, of course, would eventually be well known and its aspects would be taught as the quintessential example of her style and design. Architecturial students, years from now, would make a pilgrimage to see. She would welcome them and chat freely. I would bring to the porch sun steeped, sweetened, lemon ice tea, and perhaps something to eat, depending on how far they travelled and their general niceness. Even if introverted and aloof, I would welcome them as I cannot turn down a conversation about design, furniture or any subject that makes my architect wife feel accomplished and happy. While I have only a raincheck to meet her for sushi when I get back, and have not actually broken bread or shared a spicy tuna roll, it is much too early to tell her any of this. But I am sure, at the right time, all of my hopes for us will be something sweet to say and will be said. Something so detailed and well thought out is, of course, sincere and true. Being as perceptive and insightful as she is, she will come to the same conclusion. On the face of it, it is all just a nice thing to say. But her realizing what went into the creation of an attainable and very possible futute, is what I hope to accomplish. Words are important but inaccurate. Intent is real. I read this, and I think that I dont really know this person, and she does not know me. Things may not work out the way I hope that they will, and conclude with a happy future. This last statement is meaningless. Things never work out perfectly tailored to the perfect future. I preach to my friends that life is about risk. I need to start living that myself. John John Wojcik johnnythreeb@yahoo.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ "I think it only makes sense to seek out and identify structures of authority, hierarchy, and domination in every aspect of life, and to challenge them; unless a justification for them can be given, they are illegitimate, and should be dismantled, to increase the scope of human freedom." --Noam Chmosky __________________________________ Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 http://mail.yahoo.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+