Hey pop-kids... Straying away from the central topics of the day (mainly the alleged existence of some sort of Sinister (that's sinister with a large "S"; I'm staying out of this argument) higher power), I find myself reading that Marianne is planning to take advantage of a cheap-flights- to-Glasgow offer. Innocuous though this may seem, I beleive that I must point out (in a cautionary tone) that this arrangement will undoubtedly involve Glasgow Prestwick airport; which is more than likely some sort of trans-dimensional wormhole to a much more surreal world than our own. Having worked in the cafe of this once great international stopping point I have witnessed the full horrors contained therein, which I have attmepted to catalogue: 1) Prestwick airport is the site of Elvis Presley's only visit to the United Kingdom. Hence, during the summer months it becomes a mecca for Elvis impersonators, who arrive in their bus-loads. Its fairly disconcerting selling chip butties to 50 year old businessmen in rhinestone jumpsuits. 2) For those of you of an ecumenical bent, Prestwick airport offers cheap flights to Lourdes. These were originally operated by Sabre Airways, a Romanian company who utilised decommissioned military aircraft. 3) Prestwick Airport is a frequent stopover for members of the Israeli airforce, and on at least one occaision, Benjamin Netanyahu, who was in the U.K. in his official capacity as a bumbling oaf bent on causing full scale war in the West Bank. A member of the catering staff who will remain nameless came within seconds of serving him a bacon sandwich. 4) The head barman is best friends with The Krankies (N.B.: The Krankies- Truly terrifying Scottish children's entertainers. Involves a middle-aged woman dressed as a schoolboy. Nearly as scary as the Singing Kettle.), who often nip in to visit, being as they are based in nearby Ayr. 5) The manager of the catering division (who bears a striking resemblance to the late Larry "Shut that door!" Grayson) was threatened with court action by a choking customer who he accused of having "a very narrow throat". 6) The Airport Security was once told off by the police for calling out the bomb squad on two occaisions in a week to "De-fuse" suspect packages which respectively turned out to be a sleeping tramp and a briefcase full of Dutch porno, including a nice line in corprophilia. 7) Prestwick airport is surely the only place in the world where a member of staff has been run over by a light aircraft. He probably shouldn't have been carrying a tray of sandwiches and a bucket of ice-cubes down the secondary runway. Disturbingly enough, there is a slight twang of B&S relevance in this note, in that I first heard the band when a very cute baggage handler (Prestwick's baggage handlers used to have to be able to sing, dance or play a musical instrument, in order to entertain weary travellers as they went through the routine asscoiated with international air travel. For the record the aforementioned girl played the clarinet and was a ballet dancer) put Tigermilk on the stereo in the dishwashing room. Ever since then I've associated B&S with the hiss of steam and the clatter of cutlery. (I didn't mention the odour of stale food, cos that's not a very favourable comparison.) Peace 'n' love 'n' sparkling clean dishes, Iain McG. P.S. Has anyone heard anything about Glasgow's longest day festival this summer (i.e. is it taking place)? ---------------------- Iain McGilp u02nim@abdn.ac.uk +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+