Inspired by Robert McTaggarts attempts with mocking up car crashes in the snow etc. I have decided to go the whole hog and spend an evening recreating those covers with a standard Boots camera....... Dog On Wheels Well, no, actually ' Elephant on Wheels' , a small wooden thing I brought back from India, not quite the same but will have to do. Ruffle my hair in that windswept unwashed stylee and think about how to create the colour ' green' without any of your ponsey camera filters. Decide to cast my mind back to the hangover I had on Saturday , and hey presto, instant jaundiced look. Nick my flatmates hooded top and go and stand outside the neighbours potted geranium. Set camera to auto-bollocks, pose and *CLICK*. Lazy Line Painter Jane Hmmmm. Got the filter thing sorted out now, unwrap a strawberry cream from flatmates box of Quality Street and stick pink cellophane wrapper over camera lens. Bung on old leather jacket from studenty days, find 50p and missing Rimmel lipstick in pocket and am well chuffed. Haven't got a copy of John Polkinghome or whatever, and never even heard of the guy. Think Albert Camus' 'The Plague' is pretentious enough so use that instead. Finally grab McDonalds' 99p sunglasses , sit in the window and think about life. *CLICK* Tigermilk Right then duke of whoever, Keith, Taggart etc, I'd like to see any of YOU lot do this convincingly. So here I am, sat on my bed, practically starkers, all for the sake of 'Art'. Look round for plausible customer.Finally settle on fluffy yellow 'Big Bird' from Sesame Street. It looks ridiculous. I feel ridiculous. It's at this point I begin to wonder if I've actually gone insane and hope my flatmate doesn't come back from Sainsbury's too soon. moving right along.... 3..6..9 seconds of light So how do you go about trying to look 12 when you're actually...like...25? Decide to try and look younger by washing off make-up and smiling. And I need to be all in white and silver, with a boy. Phone up my mate Dave. Explain the plan and ask him if he wouldn't mind shaving his beard of as that'll just look all wrong. Dave thinks I'm a nutter and hangs up. Decide to go it alone, dust my face in talcum powder and look for a clean white background. End up lying horizontal on my bedsheet as that's white and NEARLY clean.*CLICK* If You're Feeling Sinister Ooooooh got to get all intellectual for this one, and in red again. Use same sweet wrapper again as is almost same colour and my budget won't stretch to a box of Roses. Haven't got a copy of The Trial but DO have Franz Kafka's Metamorphoses and other Stories. My English teacher would have been proud. Pose thoughtfully for last time.*CLICK* NEXT WEEK: Invite my mates round with tea towels on their heads to do the Centrefold. susannah@tormentor.clara.net ----------------------------------------------------------------------- . This message was brought to you by the Sinister mailing list. . To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". . For subscribing, unsubscribing and other list information please see . http://www.majordomo.net/sinister . For questions about how the list works mail owner-sinister@majordomo.net . We're all happy bunnies humming happy bunny tunes. Aren't we? -----------------------------------------------------------------------