I've just listened to this song (The Scientist), and i don't know why, but it made me feel a little sad. Don't know. Didn't have a bad day or anything. It's such a sad song... Reminded me of a quote from the High Fidelity movie: "What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" Victor. Em 22 Apr 2003, Christine Irene escreveu:

hi everyone. i hope that this email finds all of you well.

the sun is shining today, but that is about all that is nice about it.

easter was nice. i hung out at my gram's and didn't argue with anyone.

yesterday was shit. it was my friend katie's birthday and i wasn't planning on seeing her until this weekend. i tried to finish making her present but my burner just wasn't having it.

i went to katie's house after work and she gave me an easter basket. i felt like an arse. it was her birthday and she was giving me a gift. when attempting to make plans, she got into an argument with her boyfriend. i decided to go and leave them some privacy.

i got to my car and checked my voicemail where i had a message from someone i owe money to. oh yeah, i forgot to mention that, according to my atm print out, i have exactly $0.00 in the bank. so i was all upset and driving along listening to "The Scientist" by Coldplay on repeat. I must have been in my own little world because, when i noticed the police car behind me, i promptly got over to the right side to let him by....unfortunately, when i stopped, so did he. it seems i was going 39 in a 25. i don't doubt this was true, i had no idea how fast i was going. my eyes were too blurry to see most things anyway. just as officer friendly was going to his car to write up my ticket, the line "nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part. nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard. take me back to the start." i was thinking of how nice that would be. to just start over. a whole new life, a new set of rules. situations i would be more prepared to handle. situations that i would be in control of.

as i continued listening to the song, letting chris martin soothe me as best he could, i was thinking about gwyneth paltrow and how unfair things are. she is tripe, in every capacity (based on little fact as i don't know her personally) and she gets to have a boy who can sing to her like that. can you imagine knowing stuart murdoch really well? can you imagine how nice it would be to, after a shite day, have him sing you to sleep. you could go through anything at all, and him singing would make it all go away. he could sing anything and i would believe him, simply because he has the voice of an angel. that would be nice.

so mr. policeman returned and gave me my ticket. he then informed me that, since he was so nice, he was only going to give me 1 ticket and a warning for not having changed the address on my drivers license.

after that, i was hysterical. i know that everyone's life is hard at times. the thing is, when it's your life, the tried and true cliches of "that's life" and "it'll be okay" just don't seem to hold muster.

i called my mom to cry to her. she told me to quit driving and settle down a bit. then my step dad got on the phone and proceeded to yell at me; "why are you so upset? everyone gets speeding tickets."

"becasue i have no money in the bank, i owe everyone money and i have to go and look at a place to live tomorrow and i have no idea how i'm going to pay for it."

"well settle down. you're a grown woman, you're going to have to learn to deal with this shit without getting hysterical."

somehow, i found his words less than consoling, so i hung up and cried harder.

i was going to go to work, i was right near there. then i decided that i didn't want the girls to see me like that. so i went back to katie's house. she opened the door and she was crying. she looked at me and i was crying. she was still fighting with her boy, so we went out for coffee and traded tales of woe. this is exactly how we spent her birthday last year. birthdays are crap.

so that is my weekend in a nutshell.

well not really. saturday was nice. the family that i work for gave me money for easter, so i decided to get my hair cut and coloured, which i hadnt done for ages. while at the salon, my massage therapist came over to ask how my health has been and how i had been doing about my dad and all. i told her that a couple of weeks ago i was trying to get an appointment with her, but she was busy. she told me that she had a 4:00 opening. knowing fully that i am (as ordered by a doctor) *supposed* to get massages weekly, decided to make the appointment. i figured, at the very least, i have the money that i got for easter.

to kill time, i went to the irish shop ( my favourite one) near my salon. i fell in love with a white gold, diamond and sapphire claddagh....it was $500, so i didnt buy it. i opted, instead, for 4 rolls of pastilles ( i love those things!) and was on my way.

my massage was lovely and christine, my therapist, told me that my back was extremely tight and that i needed more time with her. i told her that i just can't afford to see her weekly. i know i need to. i know i'm supposed to. i told my doctor once that i would be more than happy to get weekly massages if he paid for them. he just looked at me. they cost a dollar a minute, that adds up pretty quicklky.

so anyway. now i am at work. no one yells at me here. i don't owe anyone money here. the girls love me and i them. it's a nice place to be.

~stine

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