I think that I am so vehemently against religion because it was forced on me as a child. I rarely have anything to do with anything that goes along with it, nor do I anticipate any change. I have vowed never to get married, though secretly I find it terribly romantic. It's an outdated institution, and I don't especially want to seek out the courts approval should I ever want to separate. I hate it for all the expectations and hesitations. However, I hate myself more for not being able to accept things at face value. To laugh sensitively, to genuinely not know anything different. To be so clear headed. Ah! what a life that must be. The irony of asking to become that way after truly knowing better. Frankly, who would I ask? And anyway Jesus. Why won't you be more fucking adamant, if you know something that I don't? Is it fair that you're so vague and indecisive all the time? Frankly, be glad you came when/if you did. Today wouldn't have been nearly as successful for you. Though I might have listened. It could have been me and you, Jesus. Me and you. Walking around, kings of the town. Eye people doing wrong and swiftly point uttering "god damn it" sure people would have thought we had tourettes syndrome or something...but whatever. We would have made a fine couple. A fine couple indeed. It would be you, the vicar, and me, the hypocrite. You the innocence, and me the fact. The finest display of "good cop...bad cop" the world has ever seen. There has always been a thin line between the two, you know. And you were probably into painting lines as a child even. How good are you at erasing them? Anyway, this is too much to continue on with. I wondered about some of the posts that I have been reading lately. Some very good (you know who you are) some not so good (you don't.) but always the fear that you're offending someone or bothering someone...or too shy to do anything but lurk. I don't especially understand that. The wonderful thing about this is that it doesn't matter. We all have a simpatico (the list itself, music, movies) so where is the fear? We are virtually friends...and even more importantly no one knows who you are, unless, of course, you have told them, but chances are they liked you, eh? Maybe my biggest problem is that I don't consider other peoples opinions hardly ever. I just say anything...and I don't care what any of you think about me. It could hardly be worse than things that have crossed my very own mind at one time or another. "I became accustomed to a kind of social servitude that no one, I mean, no one could accept what I have become" or whatever. "Sorry doesn't seem to wash when there's truths around that I have quashed and no one, I mean no one, can depress me more than I can." I would like to sign a waiver now...if you would all allow me to, that is. I am loaded on cough syrup..I am sick today. I am dillusional. but I can only hope to regret anything that I have written...at least I would know (and so would you) that I cared. I truly want to. I want to be one of those girls already. One of those girls that just sighs and laughs. One of those girls that waits...one of those girls that (dare i say it) stands by her man, her god, her beliefs, her hair. Heh. Ah. what a life that must be. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+