well last night i was going to hang out with my friend bryan, but we talked on the phone at around 7:30 pm, and he said he was going to go to philly instead to see reggie and the full effect and rainer maria. so i thought about it for a second. by this time i was feeling better, my system free of the alcohol and raw brownie batter i had consumed earlier that day. so i said that i would go and that i would see him there. i called everyone i thought might want to go with me, but i couldnt find a single person. so i went in my car drove to the train station and went by myself. i really hate riding the train alone at night. by the time i had driven to the train station, waited for the train, rode the train and walked to the show it was a little after 9 pm.on my way there kids were coming in my direction yelling how i just missed the surprise guest that night-the get up kids. it figures i would miss them even though i really like them and had been really wanting to see them live for oh about two years now. well i pay and walk in, and i see my friend joe, and we start talking. then a boy i really really cared for and was seeing walked in. he looked directly at me, then walked away and completely ignored me. this was a boy that i really really liked mind you. i ran up the stairs and into a corner where i tried to compose myself, but joe ran after me and as soon as he asked what was wrong i started crying. people were giving me odd stares at this point, so joe walked me to the store so that i could get some cigarettes and calm down without being surrounded by all these others kids who who wondering why tears were straming down my face. i couldnt stop crying, even in the store as i stood in the checkout line. i said to joe "i hate boys, they all break my heart and leave me in tears, i just cant take it anymore and i dont even know why i am here, i dont even listen to emo anyways, and i hate all these pretensious kids. all i even listen to is belle and sebastian anyways, i should have just stayed home." then a boy that was standing in front of me in the line turns around and says to me "well if you like belle and sebastian you cant be doing too badly" i didnt know what to say i just stammered yeah i guess so and he walked away. i walked back to the show and joe went and talked to his friends and i walked around by myself. i despise the kids that are there, snobs who think it is a fashion show, who use the word emo to desribe everything including inamiate objects. they disgust me and i was just going to turn around and leave when i see the boy who had commented about belle and sebastian. he is sitting on the curb by himself smoking, so i walk over to him, sit down and start talking. we had so much in common, and he despised the people there as much as i did. it turns out he was there alone too, and we spent the whole night at the show together talking. he lived in the city, but went and walked me back to the train station anyway when it was time to go home. we exvhanged numbers and are going to hang out soon. i am happy but it is bittersweet. i am still upset about the other boy that set off my tears, but if it had not been for the fact that i wa crying and upset and rambling because of him i would not have even met this other boy. i dont even know what to think i am trying not to have any hopes or expectations, seeing as how i inevitably always get hurt and let down. i have also decided that i don't just fancy boys as much anymore, i am atttracted to girls too. i had been thinking about that for a long time now, and i realized today how i really felt. at this point, i think the only person i would want to persue would be a girl....and by the way,.. bryan who was the reason i was at the show in the first place never showed up... bye sinister darlings. xoxo, lauren +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+