i realized today at two o'clock in the afternoon that i am in fact an adult. what a terrible realization. i laugh at the sixteen-year-old boys who dress for a country club and blast the latest dr. dre album while they drive by the mall. i also laugh at the girls who think those guys are cool. and this means that i am at least a young adult, not a full fledged adult, because as a young adult you understand the contradiction that full fledged adults don't and that kids and teenagers don't. i don't know if i will ever be ready for the moment when i become a full fledged adult. but what was it that made me feel like the college graduate and burgeoning professional that i am? i bought a bed. it is the biggest and most expensive item i have ever purchased. it was the fact that i could buy a bed that did me in. i was even tempted to watch "sixteen candles" just to pretend that i was in high school again and that there was a nice gorgeous guy who had the potential to like me, but i resisted and instead suffered through some horrendous movie with mark harmon as a bad guy. and as a result of all of this, knowing who mark harmon is and growing up in the eighties and nineties, and of course the huge purchase of a bed, i am listening to music that used to make me feel young and now just reminds me that rock is dying due to the influx of manufactured boy bands and limp bizkit. i wonder if the guys in limp bizkit even know how to spell biscuit. that is the question that i would ask fred durst, not why he has such a huge crush on christina aguilera, which is also a good question. and then this week i learned that either someone has a crush on me or believes that i have a crush on him. the only problem is that i don't know who he is. and that is what is aggravating. why would anyone try to hook up with a person he liked through the internet anyway? it all seems rather suspect. but in response to the email that someone has a crush on me, i spent almost an entire night selling out dear, close friends just to find out that the guy has eight or more letters in his first name and seven in his last. so then i thought and thought and realized that the only person i know with eight letters in the first name and seven in the last is someone i haven't seen or spoken to in almost two years now. and that managed to get me depressed. i hate it when good people vanish from your life. except he was in love with his best friend anyway, and i just wouldn't have been able to compete with an already existing love. this is what i have learned. and then on top of all of that, i am six weeks away from twenty-three, which is just not a good number. there just isn't anything interesting about it except that it is a prime number. it's just a number that is there. i don't want to just be there. anyway, i need to get back to cleaning my apartment so that the delivery guys don't trip tomorrow...oh, and one more thing that has been bringing me down...my best friend in the world is going to move to japan with her boyfriend, leaving me to hate him and miss her. and there still aren't any good men in the valley, or at least they haven't found me yet, but unless they are clients, i probably won't ever meet them. marikka. and is it healthy to be obsessed with "slow graffiti"? __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35 a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+