For me, it's always as many things have been left unsaid or undone. I start to remember: how beautiful was that girl I was dating!... she was really fine... but I missed the chance to tell her how much I liked her. And then the year ends. Time's over! When the year ends, forget it!! Think of something new, wait until the next wave, and so on... Beto wrote: And what about that plans of taking theatre lessons? and going back to music school? And calling that friend of mine, that propably has already commited suicide? Oh, no, I didn't do any of these things... and the year ends. It's like everything we planned, everything we hoped was going to come true just turns to dust... dust downside in the ampullete. Christmas depression. Its real. It sucks. When I was 14, by the time I was, oooh, eighteen, I was going to be the new girlfriend of Johnny Depp, and I would have written four novels. This time last year, I got itchy feet. I felt frustrated and thats when I decided to write a fanzine. I was also intending on growning my hair (especially my fringe for that sexy smouldering snarly shoegazer chick effect) and wearing doc martens. The only thing I haven't done is buy doc Martens. But in the summer.. well, by now I was going to be living in a lovely flat somewhere in glasgow, with wooden floors and luxurious big windows and have a balcony where I could keep my bike and a few pot plants. The floors would be wooden, and I already had my choice of furniture from Habitat and Ikea. (By the way, its not pronounced Eye-key-ah, its iky-ah). I had two bedrooms, one done up in purple, or maybe a passionate red, with a TV and a sofa bed. I was going to be working for the BBC, and driving a little car (or "mo'ha" as they say in Eastenders.) around the streets of glasgow, with Belle And Sebastian playing. And I would drive by the bus stops and see fellow sinisterians looking all folorn in the rain and I'd offer them a lift. In the summer I had all these grand plans. The ones I made last winter have mostly come to fruition. A few years ago, I bought a set of oil paints. I was going to be a painter. A few years before that, when I was still at school, I bought flares- for the first time ever, had a hair cut, and painted my bag with tippex. And other changes at new year? hmm. I've bought all sorts of things to try and relieve some of my realisations that I am: a. getting older b. Not doing the things I had planned to do c. Better do something about it. I think 2001 has been 80% sucessful for me. So, SINISTER! (WAKEY WAKEY! I've finished with the boring me me me stuff) What are your plans for 2002? tell your dreams... this time next year, what are you doing? where are you? What are the things you really want to do? Have you done some of the things with 2001 as you had intended? Is anyone else getting Christmas blues? Why? What about? What are your deepest, deepest dreams? How badly do you want them? I went to this thing on Tuesday which was a promotional night at the Holyrood Hotel in Edinburgh for work. They were trying to sweet talk me and thirty odd other women into making syure that we book all our clients ingto their hotel. Our company contract is a big one.and had my tarot read. It was fantastic. I was paranoid she might guess stuff about me. I was in my work clothes, and I took off my name badge incase she spotted my foreign first name. I didn't nod or shake my head, I didn't utter a word. But she predicted a load of things. That I was into music. I played a musical instrument. I'm working to earn money, to keep a roof over my head. Its the sensible option, but my heart is pulling at me to follow it. Only my dreams in my heart aren't safe- working makes sure I have money. I'm probably doing two jobs at once. I have a passion for writing. Well, you work out how true it is. I'm a temp. Its not a career move. I play guitar and am thinking of forming a band with my boyfriend. I write. (I'm writing a story right now as it happens). I'm the editor of a fanzine. So its made me question my work even more- why am I doing this? its made me more determined to follow my heart. If anyones interested, I have this womans number. right, better go, I'm off to stirling in five minutes. Cheers idles ===== http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/corduroysmoke and the world did get covered in a thick haze of corduroy smoke. And it felt good. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just $8.95/month. http://geocities.yahoo.com/ps/info1 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+