sinister "I feel like more than flesh and blood and guarantees were made to me that I can be tomorrow whatever I choose to be" Regency Buck- More Than A Man last night something happened or rather in the early hours of this morning its 8.30am this *is* the early hours to me but im talking about the early hours before you sleep not the ones you wake up to but i am feeling so incredibly happy i went to bed at 4am and read some more of my book or rather, almost all of the rest of my book its good, Nick Hornby- About A Boy. once ive done this post, ill probably finish it (must add-i enjoyed high fidelity-book and film) before i read about a boy i read Nick Revell- House Of The Spirit Levels thats a good thing, i hope i do finish it even though i always hate to see the back of a good book (dont you ever get that? when you read a great book, but you dont want to finish it for various reason-my reasons being-what if inever find a book this good again? and what if the ending ruins the entire thing? although i must admit, i dont think that the former is all the likely to happen....) because that will give me another reason to do something that something being walk down to denny that may not seem like much and i suppose it isnt but for the last few months ive barely had the motivation to get up in the morning-usually rising and greeting the day betwen 12and2pm but suddenly i have this new found motivation and it feels good i have actually done something and actually made a move on something i want to do i have given myself a reason to actually bother i suppose thats what happens when you are bored pretty much all the time for weeks on end eventually, something will happen and you'll do something then you will realise that you did something. it may not be much, but its more than you have done in long enough and its *that* that gets you going, especially when you realise that its a bit late to turn back without looking a bit foolish as i said, i went to bed at 4am and i read more of my book, but only 2 chapters or so then i tried to sleep, but after half an hour of trying i gave up i got up, made myself a cup of tea, then went back and read more of my book after reading say another chapter i heard something it was someone talking whether it was someone in the house talking or the tv-i didnt know either way it meant someone else was up-they had to be-if a tv had been left on i would have heard it earlier i got up and went into the hall, it was coming from downstairs. it was the tv. strange i thought-i didnt hear anyone get up was the book really so good that it managed to captivate all of my attention and stop me hear them walk past? i went to investigate no one was up, and the tv wasnt on-but the amp was. so thats why i could hear the tv. i still dont know why the amp was on-it hadnt been on when i went to bed-i would have heard it. strange. still cant work it out. went back to bed. before reading more i looked out and it was dark it was also wet and quite miserable next time i looked out-it was light and it was dry but the sky wasnt all grey in fact, it was quite alot not grey maybe it is going to be a nice day i felt like going for a walk-but im not feeling *that* motivated ;) i saw the postman, thats what made me want to go out then not half an hour later, i looked out again and it was raining and grey another miserable rainy day i looked up at the sky and noticed that my little blue spaces hadnt completely disappeared i thought again about the postman and how much i was glad i hadnt went for a walk this depressed me a bit and in the space of a few seconds, my refound enthusiasm faded and i remembered why i stayed in bed till mid afternoon each day and feeling much more down, i decided to read more of my book i looked at the last page to see how many more pages i had to go, not all that many i almost accidentally looked at the last few lines while i was checking the number if the last page so closed my eyes quickly and turned away and flicked back to the page i was at whilst i was reading i noticed out of the corner of my eye and through my curtains that it at least *appeared* to be getting brighter outside however, deciding that the weather had already depressed me enough for one morning-resisted the urge to look out after a few chapters i gave in and looked out it *was* brighter there was a lot more blue and white and even though the grey clouds were headed this way it made me happier-if just for a while and *that* inspired me the grey clouds cant stay there forever i came downstairs and turned my computer on leaving the curtains open next thing i know but could hardly believe it even made me utter obscenities out loud to myself sun shining in and onto my screen and although it made my screen a little harder to see, i left the curtains open its still sunny now-an hour later the grey clouds are still headed this way but at least for now the sun has even started drying the roads and the pavements it looks like the grey clouds will be here later maybe even sooner but hey who knows they might even change direction it might still end up a sunny day I've got to tell you that the future is undone sweetie xox ps psst this is it: http://msn.communities.co.uk/abetterplacetoselfdestruct not much i know but its my something, its my baby :) but she cant grow without knowledge help her grow, tell her about new (UK) bands and once she knows enough she will bloom from this pod into a nice little e-zine at least, thats the plan i'm hoping she doesnt reach an awkward adolescent stage where she thinks she is all mature and knows enough and but ends up falling flat on her face and sounding stupid... ;) i finished my book and i smiled so much. it was a brilliant book. (and i got another book Iain Grant - Small Town Antichrist) the day did get sunny and i did get my walk down to denny :) ICQ #42242252 MSN instant msngr: something_sinister@hotmail.com Yahoo and AOLim id: IIIsecondcreep *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Corresponding angles use first class stamps. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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