"there's the turn in for 10 roddington place", said Murdoch. Idles gently turns the steering wheel. "HOLY DUCKS!", Idles exclaimed, "The brakes aren't working!" The car, totally out of control, skids and overturns into the hedge. "Is everyone alright?" asked Sunny. "Aye, just a minor bruise that's all," said Murdoch, "Idles your driving hasn't changed a bit". "Ach, naw!" Idles shouted, "The brakes' been rigged, I wonder who can do such a thing." "Well at least everyone's safe, let's get back to work," said Jenni, "we can claim the insurance back later" So the gang crawls out of the upturned car, and made a few paces towards 10 Roddington Place, suddenly the upturned car exploded behind them. "Fuck me!", the ugly Gardner dame ejaculates, the V-bird stays silent but gave the dame a cryptic twinch of her eye. "Knock!" Idles banged on the door. There was no answer. "Knock! knock!" Idles banged on the door, waiting impatiently for someone to shout out "Who's there". "Who's there?" "Oh shut up Murdoch you're not funny", Idles chides, "let's break through the door without further ado". "Aye, ado, ken" shouts murdoch "No I SAID WITHOU..", as Idles was mumbling she sees Murdoch clutches his hands generated a fireball that he fired into the door, the door was instantly incinerated as well as the whole of the doorway. "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!", said V-Bird in her pretend cockney accent with a hint of Birmingham twang that she couldn't hide. The gang giggled, but their giggles didn't last very long, the man inside was dead. Buried in his own peacock feather, drowned in his own peacock juice. "You burnt him to death you moron!" cried Idles "he was our only clue!" "No, burnt wasn't his cause of death", said Jenni as she took off her blue dufflecoat and puts on her white dufflecoat with pockets on it reveals a badge, "Dr Jenni Quincy M.E.", it read. She continued, "Look at the cuts on his throat." "Who cut him to death like this then??" asked Sunset. "NOOOOO!" Exclaimed Dr Jenni, "DON'T YOU SEE! His veins are saturated with taurine!! DON'T YOU SEE! He didn't die of the cut wound! I think someone is hiding something and sure as hell I'm gonna find it out!" Jenni storms out of the scene. The rest of the group followed. ===================================== Jenni finds her old friend, Laura Llew, who has the whereabouts of everyone on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean after compiling a network of illegal music trade, "I need your help," she said, "I need to locate Chu". "I'm afraid no can do, i can find her i can find you, but I sure as hell cannot find chu", said Laura Llew. "I have cupid in my cellar, tho, if you want him." "No it's ok, I've had enough love recently after meeting JenOwl, she's been in a girls only phase, I'll let you have her number one day", replied Jenni, as she closed the door and walked out of the building. "THUMP!" was the last sound Jenni hears before she slumps onto the ground. ==================================== Jenni woke up with her hands tied behind the chair, the room was pitch dark, but no longer, the lights were turned on as she heard the flick of a finger, and she knew exactly who he was, who else, can make a flicking noise with only one finger? "Chu!" Jenni said. "Hello there," said Chu, "It is a pleasure, meeting Dr. Quincy herself, normally it'd be even more of a pleasure when a gorgeous girl as you is here tied up in my chair" Jenni blushes, Chu continues, "but this time, I have a favour to ask." "What favour are you possibly going to ask! Why don't you just poison me with Taurine like you did to peacock!" said Jenni. "I thought you were good.." said Chu "I'm disappointed, I ask you, did you find any Glucuronolactone in the man's blood?" Jenni's eye sparkled, "No! You're right, if he was poisoned with bull's blood he would have been heavy laden with Glucuronolactone! How could I have missed it!" "Maybe you need some stimulation for the body and mind, my dear." said Chu. "Okay easy now, so I was wrong, but who was the killer?" asked Jenni. "The same man who was behide everything." said Chu, "and I need you to trap him." ========================================== Jenni wakes up the next morning dressed in nothing but a duvet, "Oh him", she moans, but quietly grins, Vodka and bulls blood always gets the better out of her. Chu had already left, leaving only a note "You are my only hope." Jenni gathers up the gang, and sets out on their plan, "Honey's bar, at the same time as when the Chinaman goes to the dentist", the gang nods. At 2:30, the gang arrives at Honey's bar, "Ok, begin operation Purple Furrydice" Idles said "You may be wrong but I am right but Tennington is not the best author ever" The Narrow Wizard replied "That is not true but the word fuck is an acronym" Jenni exclaimed "No, you silly people, you should make a badge that says 'I love Ken Chu' on it" The ugly dame said, "The worse football player ever is Andy Cole" Suddenly, bursted through the door came a man, with a purple jumper looking slight dazed but with one eye focused as acutely as Ken Chu is a cutey, holding a glass of Gin and Tonic in his hand. "Cole!" he shouted. Jenni acts fast, as soon as the sight of the purple man is seen she grabs hold of his arms and sets him into a full nelson. "We've been expecting you," said Jenni, "Mr Pine Fox". "Lloyd Cole Lloyd Cole Lloyd Cole", the PF replied. "Ah, it's been a long week, " said Idles in relief, "but finally, the ..." before she could continue, she felt a gun pointed to her back. "Finally, you are history, I think you mean, " the voice behind Idles said, "you fucked in the head psycho fan" "Editor, you're here!", said the PF. "Steven Wells!" Idles shouts, "I should have known!" "Well it's never late than never, but I'm afraid after this trigger, you'd be gone forever", said Wells. "That's rhymes fuckin' worse than Travis lyrics!!!" shouts sweetie as she bursts into the room and disarms Steven Wells, "ok! You slitty peepered thirty year old man, you've played your final chord" "Sweetie you saved us! But what took you so long?" asked Idles. "Um, why are you guys so early? I got here now at 3pm, that's when my Chinese friend went to the dentist last time" The gang pats sweetie in the head, as the criminals were led to their cell. ==================================== A year later, the gang reunioned for a drink at honey's bar, and reminisced that time last year when all hell were broken loose. The group smiled and sighed at the ups and downs, as Idles joked about everyone chipping in on her insurance bill. "You've missed out on all the action, little girl", Jenni gently whispered to young Pika, "I wonder where your dad is now...", she quietly sighed and looked upon the sky. <The end> +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+