Sinister: i dont know

2 Feb 2000

      sinister

shit
im losing it.
from the first moment of waking up and when the first cup of coffee tasted
like washing up

ok i prob got that all wrong
but i am

im so scared

first, for the first time ever i lost it and really screamed at someone-in
class. for a very petty reason.
i was tld to go for a walk till id calmed down.
i didnt go back till the end. even tho id calmed down- i couldnt face them.

and then today
:*(
i dont get on with one of my sisters, at all
shes a year and half younger
and is very mean to me
she always calls me a freak and is generally very horrible

and today i lost it with her
but i didnt just scream at her
i took evry reasonable appraoch i could think of but it didnt work
i went for her
i grabbed her hair and dragged her onto the floor
(bearing in mind shes about 2" taller and alot bigger and stronger)
i stood over her back and held her down
she was screaming and screaming
she got me off and i got her into like a headlock
then i left
and she was crying and upset
she phoned my dad and he came and took her away
and i was shaking and crying and scared

i feel so stressed and so scared

help me i am so scared
what have i done

lost,
sweetie
x

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sweetie

triumphant loser

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