howdy you....oh you.....you...um bowling shoes have been the rage as of late. let me say, bowling is SUPERB. let me just say. i'm not quite sure what it is, the constant dormancy that seems to plague us all student types during the sleepy summer turns us all to one thing when the evenings of wine and misplaced confessions have begun to stale: WHOLESOME FUN. this includes and incidentally features, bowling. i think i've been bowling five times already this summer. which is a lot. the world may very well be divided into two distinct groups: bowlers and non-bowlers. i'm afraid i fall into the latter category. some comparisons that have been made to me and my bowling technique: a ballet dancer performing "swan lake" or "someone having a conniption and then correcting himself and feeling a whole lot better mid-stroke". i wasn't born with grace or elegance, and baby, my bowling game doesn't cut me any slack. MIRACLE: the other night i bowled a 159. despite the feeling that the world has polarized itself against me constantly, and really, what better forum than a room divided into slabs of wood late at night to explicate such an unwordly disposition, due to some grotesque cosmic reversal of fortune, i scored a bunch of strikes including a TURKEY (which i was immediately informed was an appropriate thing for ME to obtain) and the hearts of all the girls at the bowling alley who had not doused their bleached hair with 7 and a half cans of hair spray. they had bangs, too. and stonewashed jeans. so my plasticman-esque form at the alley was the ballroom equivalent of fred astaire. i swear it. oh, about BOWLING SHOES again. the previous bowling excursion saw me arrive at the alley with flip flops and no socks. weep for me, as the funny looking chain smoking too tight shirt wearing bowling alley don informed me they had none of those disposable socks. so i had to wear bowling shoes with NO SOCKS. if this sounds disgusting, well it is. it's worse, actually. the thing is, although very stylish and equally comfortable (with some sort of initial foot covering) they are equipped with absolutely no ventilation. and to think they were assembled by a motley group of third world starved children. kathie lee gifford, i hope you're happy. also. maybe i'm one of the few people in the world who still uses bar soap. when i was in SUPER WAL-MART last night buying some new BARS and i was greeted with an almost cataclysmic reaction by my female friends. apparently they use that furry creature known as a POOF, which sounds a bit iffy to me, and liquid soap. i didn't quite buy the nomenclature of this creature, as i referred to it as SHOWER PUFF and WATER FRAMACE. the girl buying it and i decided to call it whatever it rang up as. so as the delightful wal mart employee slid that neon green blob over the infrared box we watched the black and green screen and across it wept "BATH ACCESS 1.19". bath access. clearly. and with that, no content or otherwise, i bid you adieu the nerdy shy-eyed pacifist blake +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+