Well spin my top, knock me down with a fork lift truck and call me Simon, that were a top weekend. Tigermilking had the advantage of starting at 8pm so I kept looking at my watch, thinking I'd been there for ages, and I had, and there was still ages to go! Always! Until it finished of course. I'm still filled with the memories of being continually taken from behind by Drunken Matt, who wrestled back his sobriquet which he almost relinquished to me a few months ago with a superb display of unsteadiness. Being followed by strange men, walking past shops with the windows newly smashed and avoiding street brawls with men screaming "NO, PLEASE NO! AARGH!" were also undoubted highlights. Hackney is such an up-and-coming area. I also managed to set a new record for tiredness, by combining no sleep in 44 hours, 5 hours of dancing and enormous amounts of alcohol to produce the desired effect. That of death. Fun though. The only depressing thing was being reminded by Alix Campbell that she's not on the list anymore, but we can't have everything in life, can we children? Mum Robinson:

I'd like more info about hippy shit please Michelle. And obviously this is not just to annoy someone who turned down booze for a snooze on a Saturday night.

That was the man who had his name changed by deed poll to "public house" at the age of 18. Left me questioning my entire belief system, that did. I mean half past eight! Unfortunately I then made the mistake of reading his contributions to the last (not latest) edition of Papercuts, and was forced to forgive him. Damn. I was also reminded that Peter Miller is the dirtiest man in the universe. And I think I love him. Ian:

i have some news...i am expecting jesse spencer's baby! yes, its true. the eagle-eyed amongst you might have noticed that the irresistable billy from neighbours was appearing in panto in wolverhampton. well, let's just say that he couldn't resist a nice boy when he saw one.

My mum saw Live and Kicking (saturday morning kids tv show, non UK types) the other week, and Ian's latest lay was on it, and apparently his favourite singer is Jeff Buckley, which I would never have guessed. My mum was very pleased, because everyone on the show looked very confused, but she knew who he was! (He's the dead one, right?") Anyway, here's a story about a squirrel which I'm going to make up now cos I'm bored. One day, Toby the squirrel was driving through the forest in his 1964 Pick-Up, when he heard a cry. It was "Help, help, someone please help me, I'm in terrible trouble !". Toby stopped suddenly and got out. He knew he could be wrong, but he had a hunch that someone was in terrible trouble. Anyway, on the way to where the voice was coming from he tripped over a guava and scratched his nose a little, but that doesn't really matter, I mean he didn't need a plaster or anything, though even if he had done he wouldn't have got one, I mean who ever heard of a squirrel with a sticking plaster, the idea is patently absurd. Anyway, he finally got to where the voice was coming from and found a rabbit standing outside the front door of his house, shouting and bawling. "I'm Toby", said Toby, not wishing to lie at such a perilous time. "What's the matter?". "Oh, hello", said the rabbit, by now slightly calmer though still shaking slightly. "I'm Mr Convenient-Plot-Device, thank you for coming to help me. As I said earlier in the story, I'm in terrible trouble. The situation is thus: I need to get my house (actually it's called a warren, thought Toby, but he didn't want to make the rabbit more upset by telling him this) redecorated because the famous Brer Rabbit is coming to tea tomorrow afternoon, and the place looks terrible, I mean look at it, it's all seventies browns and lava lamps. As soon as the famous Brer Rabbit sees it he'll laugh his fucking head off (there's no need for that kind of language, thought Toby, but he could see that Mr C-P-D (it was funny the first time, now it's just long to write) was very upset, so he forgave him), and then I'll never become a member of the Board Of Trade. "Oh, that's easy", said Toby, "just pop down to Ikea and they'll sort you out a treat, what with all their cool coloured chairs and modern Scandinavian outlook, fashionable yet functional with lots of great little bits and bobs and well". "Oh, cheers", said Mr C-P-D, and off he went, leaving Toby at the end of the story. Epilogue: Mr C-P-D redecorated his home and had the famous Brer Rabbit over for tea. Unfortunately he accidentally poisoned the famous Brer Rabbit with a piece of dodgy veal, hid the body in his wine cellar and is now a fugitive from justice, like Harrison Ford. Toby had a chance meeting with Dexter Fletcher from TV's "Press Gang" in a massage parlour, which has led to a successful acting career. He already has a part in the new Star Trek film, "It's An Even One So It Must Be Good", (as Lt Commander Bushytail) and is currently shagging Julia Sawahla. The author takes no responsibility for this short story being donkey shite. Them's the breaks. He will however claim copyright infringement if he finds anyone using the name Toby. Anyone found using the name Toby will be ordered by law to change their name to "Cocksnatcher" forthwith or face the consequences. Anyone found using the name "Mr Convenient-Plot-Device" will be ordered by law to spend the rest of their life in a mental institution. Hope this is one of the good ones, Mum. Love and funny tinglings, Alasdair xx "Utterly unoriginal" PS. I know she still reads the list even though she's not on it, so a huge thanks to the only good thing in Hackney, the gorgeous Muncher, for putting me up and doing general looking after me duties. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@missprint.org". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@missprint.org". WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+