Oh dear! Hello sinister! Isn't it a relief that I have an audience of how many? 1300 people I think, to listen to my problems? am I egocentrical? Yes, absolutely! Lots of things happened since I last talked with you. Theodor got a job for Arthur in his club and aunt Myrtles visited her friend Patricia Hendel in Paris to talk about the wedding between Theodor and Patricia's daughter, Miss Constance Hendel. Poor aunt turtle. If only she knew! As you all know, we got rid of the macaroni dandy, signor Giovanni Gregorio di Cornutto! That was the last good thing that happened in my boring little life! So, Arthur got this job in Theodor's club. Theodor was so happy about it as he could see him everyday in the club and share his bed every night! The thing is that we didn't give Arthur the credit he deserved. What does that mean? Bear with me and I shall explain... I had this long conversation with Theodor the day after the "big events" occured in the cottage. Remember that godforsaken weekend! He admitted his homosexuality to me, I assured him that he was still my favourite cousin and that I'd stand by his side and help him with his affair with Arthur. And you can imagine with big aunt Myrtles away in Paris for a week, Theodor's affair with Arthur was blooming! Since that week though the affair took a bad turn. Theodor rent that little flat in a quiet part of the city, a quite poor one admittedly, for obvious reasons where he could give a home to his "unorthodox affair". It seems that Arthur took some polaroids of Theodor and himself in various... erm.. poses! And just one day before auntie's return he started threatening Theodor that he'd expose him starting with aunt Myrtles' unless he was willing to pay for him to conceal the whole thing and burn the photos. Theodor is such a nice person but quite a wuss, if you know what I mean. He freaked out completely and he came running to me with tears in his eyes in panic! I don't know what hurt him the most: Arthur's betrayal or the fact that his good reputation was in danger. He had this huge fight with Arthur; Arthur said he never loved him, and that he was actually no homosexual but he knew he could gain something from this whole story; He also said that he had the hots for me and that he would be willing to ask for half the money if I'd go to bed with him! In your dreams, Arthur!! I mean stay with your hovel boy! I always said that I had this thing for commoners but I'd never give in in any silly blackmail! Theodor didn't know what to do. He hasn't got this amount of money in the bank so we had two options: either he'd borrowed the money or we'd let aunt know about the whole story. I thought we should tell aunt Myrtles cause maybe then Theodor could skip marrying that horsefaced french floosy! And, yes, we told aunt Myrtles! We let Arthur come along with the photos and showed them to her! Oh dear! You should have seen her! Her neck stretched again but this time in giraffe proportions! She turned all red and her eyes popped out. I was really scared that she'd have a stroke or something! I wouldn't be that devastated, believe me! She's a tyrant! We'd all be much better without her. Then she raised her eyes to poor Arthur and nailed him with such a look! I felt glad I wasn't in his shoes! And she said: "And what exactly can I do for you now young man?". Arthur said he wanted half million pounds to destroy the photos and keep his silence! Aunt Myrtles said nothing for a while. Silence was heavy and the atmosphere in great grandfather's library so intense that you could feel it crawling across your skin. Then she stood up from the ludovician chair after she took a sip of her tea and said that since there was nothing she could do she'd give him half the money now and he should burn all the photos in front of her, and the other half on Theodor's wedding day! And if Arthur even thought about cheating in any way, he'd find himself in a really unpleasant place and in a really unpleasant position. Of course Arthur agreed! He had no choice really. Poor Theodor! I wonder what he's going to do now.He has to marry this french floosy obviously! I saw him hiding his face in his hands in pure despair. But what can anyone say? Love Hurts! And eventually kills! As for me... I met someone I really liked; he's not a member of the aristocracy, he's just a musician; but he has a great mind and an even greater body! I met him on the picnic day, that was on Sunday! Me and Althea thought that we could have a little picnic on our own in the Prague botanical gardens, so we asked aunt's chef to prepare a basket with salmon and cute little cucumber sandwiches and of course Althea stole a bottle of dom perignon from her father's cellar! That's where I met him. His name is Anton. I think it was my red knickers and the way I flashed them that made him come over and ask for a light! what a lame excuse really! But he wasn't lame in any other way, mind you. But I'll tell you all about me and Anton in my next post as this one's too long already and I need to go for afternoon tea. You know how aunt Myrtles gets! Pauline L. Shivers that makes sinister all quivers she's that aristocratic slag who lives and reigns in Prague __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Mail - Free email you can access from anywhere! http://mail.yahoo.com/ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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