intellectual and perspiring and pseudosexual and conspiring...: I'm pretty sure I don't have anything to say worth saying to so many of YOU. And I don't even write to the one I used to know, anymore (although, lurker, if you're coming to the Austin concert and want to see me, say the word). +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ~ is it someone that you'd maybe recognise? I know there'll be the Texas Sinister round-up! But maybe an Austin pre-show meet-up? E-mail me if you want in. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ~ i'm lucky i can open the door and i can walk down the street AN YET. My posts end up about the things I try not to talk about usually. It's hard to talk sometimes, with all the words I need to avoid, my mouth ends up with nowhere else to go. But I did say I'd post if Ally posted. And then the wooly wharfing bunny bastard actually went on and DID it. Crikey. Abandon all hope or whatever. ~ unlucky i've got nowhere to go and so i follow my own feet Some people are brave. They know. I know. Emotional pain makes me cringe. Physical pain is okay to talk about. Psychic nausea, that apt description from some other sinister post, dizzies every mind. I was throwing up by the side of the street on my way home. Not cos I was drunk. I was just ill and my apartment was blocks away. It was a long walk (I frew up twice on the way). I had a revelation thinking about that post. That everything was making me sick the same way that my soul gets sick. ~ a choice is facing you a healthy dose of pain a choice is facing you as you stare though the rain It's when all the colours and musical words in the world just don't matter anymore, cos just the light and sound causes an unbearable need to VOMIT. The sole comfort is that it won't last forever. But the time is does last is going to be LONG. The most amazing thing about pain, I think, is the immediacy. For a time, feeling tormented to be kept alive in the world, feeling far too much, and then when it's over...how frighteningly easy it is to forget that time. ~ a choice is facing you but i choose to refrain for today tomorrow we'll be back in trouble again Sometimes I use physical pain to soothe emotional pain. My social worker has suggested that I should perhaps consider getting in touch with my feelings instead of using self-destructive behaviour. That made me smile. She said I have a Cheshire Cat grin. ~ dream one: you had a whole lot of fun with a comedian stop short of going all the way, you'll have to make it someday I meant it though. She takes care of me like no-one else ever did. I can't articulate it all. But I despair sometimes that anyone else ever will. Yeah...well, yeah. ~ why is this happening to you, you're not a child? why is this happening? you've too much on your mind On my 21st birthday, I did NOT get sick as expected. Everyone in the downtown bars and clubs loves you when you are young and drunk on your birthday from all the free drinks. Except a couple places. Reason demanded that some places took exception to my group. I was rude to one of them. Cos the bouncer merely said that there was a dress code and that my friend, with his nice shoes and tucked in dress shirt, did not conform to it. ~ things creep up on you when you are fast asleep you are dreaming, you are sleepy, you are stuck to the sheets But he would not specify which aspect needed conforming. It was darkly suspected that the shiny purple vinyl pants were not conforming to the "NO FAGS" code, but we carried on from there to a gay boy dance club where the pants were quite welcome. We danced even better than we had DDR'd that afternoon. ~ dream two you couldn't see her face, but you saw everything else dream two was pretty special, easily beats loving yourself In the toilets, I clung to the waist of the redhaired friend who had made me surprise birthday dinner of spaghetti and salad and a beautiful pink birthday cake with sprinkles and candles. A lovely 7 foot queen with fuschia braids said we must be twins or lovers to move together the way we did. My straight friend managed to find a straight boy for herself on the dance floor. ~ could you put a name to someone else's sigh? ally, amy applejacks, dannypie, gneissy, honey, kirsten, llew, maddie, mandee... ~ could you put a face to someone else's eyes? oranges, rich, rouss, sammich, stankin, sweetie, vel, zozipea AND SUCHLIKE. ~ but it all fades into morning when you open your eyes Nah, I remember everything. {understated yet charming multiple pelvic thrusts ...and something I dragged in just for the kitten-cat} paisley pssst! if sunnyset posts again, then i will also. yeah, that's a THREAT. _________________________________________________________________ Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+