Gosh, I don't seem to have posted for ages and ages again - I kind of lost inspiration for a while, but this morning I compiled a wee list of things to write about (sad? moi?) and crumbs! I think this might be a long'un. But read on, friends! This missive comes with a No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. And if that doesn't convince you, there's a teensy bit of smut too. Martin R raised the subject of scratched vinyl, reminding me of the more embarrassing moments in my young life. My copy of the first Hits album, a veritable treasure trove of mid-eighties pop, was bought from a jumble sale when I was about eleven and had already acquired several scratches, although not too detrimental to one's listening pleasure. I learned all the words (and also the saxophone solo, yus indeedy) to Careless Whisper as a result of this purchase, and the jumpy bit in the middle came to be ignored because, oooooh, I loved that song and really felt every word Georgie M intoned. One day, a couple of years later, my friend Julie came round and we decided it would be nice to have a sing-a-long-a-Careless Whisper moment. We sat cross-legged on the floor, the needle hit the groove and our spines tingled as that smooooooth saxophone got to work. I was lost in music (caught in a trap) when I realised Julie was looking at me all funny. Yes, I'd sung the scratches. Dear sinisterines, I hope the same never happens to you. News of my scratching talent flew round the school, I hardly dared show my face for shame and I came to be known as Porky Scratchings. Then Wayne, my classroom crush, decided I was more Juicy than Porky (although to tell the truth I fitted both descriptions) and my current moniker was adopted, much to my relief. Were I a goth, I'd prefer to wear those dainty canvas Mary Jane(ish)-style shoes rather than the long and pointy Child Catcher-style ones. My Nanna has terrible bunions and I'd really not want to inflict that sort of lasting damage on myself. That's my contribution to the goth debate. New boy Derek Porter wrote

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you've no idea how refreshing it was to hear a song as beautiful as Seymore Stein or Judy...Horses and when I read it, a overheard a little conversation taking place somewhere in my head which I will now relate to you in the style of a diarist who is currently in vogue

Derek Porter: Let me introduce you. Horses....Judy, Judy....Horses Judy: Pleased to meet you Horses: Likewise, we're sure. Fancy a ride? Judy: Cor, not 'arf Horses: Whinny Judy: Giddy up! I won't tell you what happened next although, to spare DP's blushes, I'll say that he had scurried away by this point. I'll leave to you to continue the story yourselves and, if you wish, you may try a little self-analysis based on the fruits of your imaginations. One extra point for each usage of a different piece of leatherware from the saddlery. Steady Mike wrote:

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I for one believe there was a typo in the last B&S diary thing. Struan and his rosy-cheeked compadres were obviously enjoying a game of Seasonal Scrabble - hence the big-scoring "bunting". Ah, bless him - getting all excited about Xmas already. I realise that 'B' and 'C' aren't precisely adjacent on the keyboard, but I expect this can be explained in terms of a 'spasm'.

When I was a young'un, I was an avid reader of Bunty, widely regarded as THE comic for squares. I suspect this wouldn't be the case if it was called Cunty. I hate to think what hi-jinks the four Marys would get up to each week. AND FINALLY... Ladies and gentlemen, may I request some assistance in the small matter of upsetting the BBC? Will Messent has already unwittingly divulged part of the plan by writing

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I saw the DKNY girl the other day. She came round to mine and told me to vote for 'Gregory's Girl' in some film poll or other, but I'm not sure which poll she meant. I think she'd been drinking. Anyway, I've never seen 'Gregory's Girl'.

It all began when myself and various members of the South East London Sinister Masseeeeev were slumming around a television set last week and Jonathon Ross announced details of the BBC's Film '99 poll for best film in the whole wide world ever. I have to credit monsieur Tim Hopkins with the big idea of getting Gregory as high up the aforementioned chart as possible. My dear sister (DKNY trainer girl) has already voted and I would like to urge you to do the same at http://www.bbc.co.uk/movies/film99/form.shtml No, you don't have to agree with the motion. You don't even have to have seen the film ever, but it would be fun to see lanky John Gordon-Sinclair and wee Clare Grogan rubbing shoulders with Orson Welles, Clark Gable and Kate Winslet in this inevitably populist poll, would it not? You may even use up the remaining 4 spaces to vote for whichever film you so desire - just make sure you vote Gregory's Girl NUMBER ONE!!! And then I'll love you for ever and ever. Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top and a cherry? Thank you. To qualify for a refund, please send your receipts to... Juicy Lucy =================================================== This communication contains information which is confidential and may also be privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient(s), please note that any distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately and then destroy any copies of it. -- MCI WorldCom Year 2000 information http://www.wcom.co.uk/2000 +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+