hey folks I have been silent of late, I know. forgive me, but I have been stretched on the anvil of life and the world has been hammering upon me like a cheap lump of aluminium. I met a guy who was nice enough, until he got me drunk, slept with me, then kicked me out of his house like I was a whore. my granddads bones are seizing up, and he's starting to crumble like chalk. It's like watching one of those speeded up films of a mountain being eroded by wind and rain and time. there is this pain inside me, too high to be my cervix, to low to be my heart, like a long needle has been pushed into my navel. It's been here for three days, since that guy pulled on his shirt and told me to leave, not even looking me in the eye. I've worked my way down the list of possibilities like a scientific experiment. It isn't hunger, it isn't love, or fear, or panic. This dull ache that wont be eased by sodium bicarbonate, milk, massage or sleep. It isn't an ulcer or digestive troubles. All I can imagine it must be is geology. strata's of rock are formed by minerals, pressure and time. perhaps I am going through an evolutionary phase? perhaps my body has collected the dust in the air and is lining my body with rock. The pain inside me is layer upon layer of stone, an internal wall. perhaps I am forming an exoskeleton, tomorrow I will be a spider... I have nothing against experiencing life, just that somedays its weight is more than I can bare. there is dust in the corner of my eyes where there should be tears. but now I have lapsed into bad poetry, and I need to sleep. there is a black fox who once had a rock for a heart. she sings in her sleep, a smudge of charcoal in the darkness. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+