writing this in the lovely late-afternoon sunshine which is reflecting on the screen... studying on the kitchen table last night, in the company of the dog with the deep brown eyes.. such relief, being able to lift your eyes from ghastly books and into the most gorgeous things anyone is ever likely to see, just sitting at the corner of the room, waiting for you to lift your head, so he can come over and be petted. and when you go 'aww' he goes on his hind legs and nuzzles into your chest... *sigh* there's lots of snow just now. went a walk with the dog, in just a t-shirt. it was warm, with the exception of the snow being halfway up your shins and soaking your trousers. tried to make a snowball, but it turned all powdery overnight. yesterday it was perfect for snowballs. it was a bi of a shame though, because the little so-and-so who calls you Big Ears doesn't live anywhere close.. oh well... mocksies start on tuesday... which'll be fun. exams are always grate. when you are sitting in the hall, and you look at the question, and you can't concentrate at all. you could remember this topic 2 nights ago, but now all you can remember is you're in a large room, and that time is slowly drifting away.. this month has had its ups and downs... but you can take them. because you have found something, the bestest thing anyone could ever hope or imagine to have. something that keeps you going through you times of despair. something that takes your highs and puts them on a completely new dimension. ..but you can't have this something. at least not yet. you would wait though; you would wait forever. however unbearable it can be, knowing it's there, but just out of reach, teasing you, tempting you, but you can't produce that final lunge to reach it. you feel dejected sometmes, wondering just why do you deserve this torture. then you whimper. but when you find yourself like this, you have to slap yourself, for being so selfish and ungrateful. just the thought of actually having it can drive you on, to make you actually try and achieve things... one day, everything will be grate, as long as you are willing to make it to be... johnjohn x _______________________________________________________________________ FSmail - Get your free web-based email from Freeserve: www.fsmail.net +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+