Well.......ehhhhmmmmm........*cough* Hi again....I'm so sorry to bother you all with this but my email account seems to be going through some very serious self-inflicted psychological traumas.This morning I suddenly realised that all my inbox was deleted (maybe my brother being mad at me has something to do with that as well....)Still, the fact remains that I've lost everything in it, along with the posts of the people that had responded to my previous post's ("waiting for the leaves to fall") requests.Thankfully I had read them all last night but had left some of them unanswered, so that I would have something nice to do when I would wake up in the morning .Having to answer my mail in the morning while having breakfast at my desk is one of my favourite moments of the day. So, the ones that had written to me and still haven't received a reply, could you-PLEASE-email me again???I mean, -please-.... I know all this must sound really silly but I there's no other way I can contact you if you don't drop me a line again.... other things that happened today.... I saw my best friend, whom I hadn't seen for almost three months....Almost didn't recognise her, brought her "fyhcywlap" for her birthday ( it was on the 8th of August but never mind...) We turned the lights out and sat on the floor near the window, the only light in the room was the light from the lampost outside.We talked and talked for hours; remembered things that would have better been forgotten, some very unfortunate moments of the past, tried to bridge the gap.Things had been quite rocky this year for both of us and our relationship went through a lot.We had almost stopped speaking to each other.Still, she's my best of friends.She knows almost everything about me, she doesn't agree with some aspects of my personality, but I know she cares and worries although she doesn't show it.I can forgive her about almost everyhting I guess...I can't do otherwise.It hurts so much inside not being able to be with someone you care so much about, knowing that things have got between you.Please never let selfishness stand in your way.I've seen what it's like and believe me it's not worth the pain it causes to both sides.If you know that something is important for you just, don't let it slip away just because of some passing whim.... Say "I'm sorry" from your heart and things might get unexpectedly better..... (I'm trying to exorcise my own feelings, thoughts and deeds here I guess...I may not be making much sense, in this case I'm sorry, but anyone who might had been through a similar situation can perhaps see behind my words...) We went out afterwards..-or was it before??-...I can't remember.....ahh....it's no good....my mind's getting numb.......We would just go for a walk down the city centre or something......She wore her smart little dress with the mauve flowers pattern and heeled shoes and held her little black handbag....while I was wearing my flared jeans and worn out sneakers, my hair was a mess and my cheeks had little downward streams from the tears I'd cried....so there we are: it was -after-the talk we've had....I had my army rucksack with the big "belle and sebastian" on, and the little Snoopy pin.She's has long blond hair and reminds me of Sarah.She's sweet and doesn't feel awkward to dress well . I have short black hair and remind me of...myself .I'm bitter and can't dress well even when I have to.But when I sat on the pavement while we were waiting for the bus she came and sat next to me on the sad,cold cement.With her smart little dress with the mauve flowers pattern , her high-heeled shoes, her cool nail varnish and eyeshadow and all....She's my friend.I can't let her go....... The bus turned 'round the corner...... Take care, not only of yourself........ Love, Joanna ..................."Pain's playing yoyo in my body as we speak."................................. dEUS-Instant street +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+