Sinister: And my latest project is......

[susannah]

Inspired by Robert McTaggarts attempts with mocking up car crashes in the snow
etc. I have decided to go the whole hog and spend an evening recreating those
covers with a standard Boots camera.......


Dog On Wheels
Well, no, actually ' Elephant on Wheels' , a small wooden thing I brought back
from India, not quite the same but will have to do.
Ruffle my hair in that windswept unwashed stylee and think about how to create
the colour ' green' without any of your ponsey camera filters.
Decide to cast my mind back to the hangover I had on Saturday , and hey presto,
instant jaundiced look.
Nick my flatmates hooded top and go and stand outside the neighbours potted
geranium.
Set camera to auto-bollocks, pose and *CLICK*.

Lazy Line Painter Jane
Hmmmm. Got the filter thing sorted out now, unwrap a strawberry cream from
flatmates box of Quality Street and stick pink cellophane wrapper over camera
lens.
Bung on old leather jacket from studenty days, find 50p and missing Rimmel
lipstick in pocket and am well chuffed. 
Haven't got a copy of John Polkinghome or whatever, and never even heard of the
guy. Think Albert Camus'  'The Plague' is pretentious enough so use that
instead.
 Finally grab McDonalds' 99p sunglasses , sit in the window and think
about life. *CLICK*

Tigermilk
Right then duke of whoever, Keith, Taggart etc, I'd like to see any of YOU lot
do
this convincingly.
So here I am, sat on my bed, practically starkers, all for the sake of 'Art'.
Look round for plausible customer.Finally settle on fluffy yellow 'Big Bird'
from Sesame Street. It looks ridiculous. I feel ridiculous.
It's at this point I begin to wonder if I've actually gone insane and  hope my
flatmate doesn't come back from Sainsbury's too soon.
moving right along....

3..6..9 seconds of light
So how do you go about trying to look 12 when you're actually...like...25?
Decide to try and look younger by washing off make-up and smiling.
And I need to be all in white and silver, with a boy.
Phone up my mate Dave. Explain the plan and ask him if he wouldn't mind shaving
his beard of as that'll just look all wrong.
Dave thinks I'm a nutter and hangs up.
Decide to go it alone, dust my face in talcum powder and look for a clean white
background. End up lying horizontal on my bedsheet as that's white and NEARLY
clean.*CLICK*

If You're Feeling Sinister
Ooooooh got to get all intellectual for this one, and in red again. Use same
sweet wrapper again as is almost same colour and my budget won't stretch to a
box of Roses.
Haven't got a copy of The Trial but DO have Franz Kafka's Metamorphoses and
other Stories. My English teacher would have been proud.
Pose thoughtfully for last time.*CLICK*

NEXT WEEK: Invite my mates round with tea towels on their heads to do the
Centrefold.

susannah at tormentor.clara.net

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