Sinister: Not lemurs at least...

[Stuart Gardiner]

On Wed, 12 Nov 1997, Amanda Bergman wrote:

> >How about a haggis? They're notoriously difficult to catch, due to their
> >immense
> >speed, but the baby females are ridiculously cute and twee...
> 
> Two questions for you: 1) what exactly is a haggis, and 2) what exactly
> does "twee" mean?
> Please pardon my American ignorance.

A haggis is a small furry scottish mammal. Very little is known about
these elusive creatures, as they have a habit of running away and hiding
underground whenever you come near. The only way to make them come out of
their holes is to stand on top of the burrow, and repeatedly jump up and
down. Perhaps the best source of information is a study done on them in
1976 by a biologist from Glasgow - let's call him Fergus (not to protect
his anonymity or anything, but because that was his name). What he
discovered was:

"Each haggis has one long leg and one short leg. This is because the
natural habitat of the haggis is the Scottish hills, and so they can run
very quickly around the side of the hills to get away from predators
without falling over. This is what makes them so hard for humans to
capture. Males have the right leg longer, and females have the left leg
longer, so when they run round the hills they meet each other face to
face. Little is known of their mating habits, but it is thought that they
each run backwards around the hill so that their backsides are facing each
other. The species is becoming increasingly rare, partly due to hunting by
humans, who consider the haggis a great delicacy (although this practice
has now been outlawed everywhere in the world except Scotland, where
bizarre rituals are attached to it involving strange musical instruments 
and men wearing dresses); and partly due to the fact that whenever there
is a flood they all get washed down the hills, and because of their long
leg they cannot climb back up to their burrows again. Some unscupulous
people have been known to deliberately spray hoses down hillsides to wash
all the haggis down to the bottom of the valley, and then collect them and
sell them for food."

Hope that answers your question.

Stuart G

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