Sinister: a century of elvis

[Nick_Dastoor.BSHO at xxx.com]

  OK here's my 'corrected' version.

  Some changes from Rob's:

  * Pam turns into Karen (or Wee Karen).
  * "It was pretty much the colour of it" becomes "He was playing with his
  collar a bit" (very elvis thing to do)
  * They didn't have strange manners and stuff, it was just elvis
  *  It's definitely not the desk that they were sitting on - maybe (and
  this came to me in a flash of inspiration) the "mezzanine"


  we were sitting in the living room on the sofa, the wrong way round,
  looking out the window.  it was quiet, and then in the car park across
  the road we saw elvis - look, there beside the postman's van, and he was
  walking round the postman's van, looking in the open door.  he looked as
  if he was thinking about getting in, but then the postman came back, and
  he swaggered off, walked past the window and down the stairs, and then at
  the bottom of the stairs right by the caretaker's office, he started
  licking the pavement.  every night now since we moved in that new house
  there's this noise outside the door at just about half seven or eight o'
  clock every night.  and if we go and look outside the door, elvis'll be
  standing there waiting to be let in.  and then he wanders into the living
  room, maybe sits down on one of the chairs or even lies down on the
  floor.  he doesn't say much, he just stays there for an hour or two,
  watching the tv.  we talk to him a bit, and then around ten o' clock,
  he'll go away again, and not come back until the next night.  there's a
  lot of lanes and stuff around here, around the house - although it's
  right in the middle of the city it seems quite like the country, it's
  dead hidden - safe i suppose, made for night living.  there's a lot of
  squirrels and birds, and stuart says he's seen about nine foxes there
  when he's jumped over the fence on his way to prior's road.  sometimes
  you can go out walking, and when you've been out for a wee while even you
  don't know where you are anymore, so it would be pretty hard for anyone
  else to find you.  i suppose that's why he spends so much time there,
  that's why he's come to live there, or maybe it's just the squirrels.  i
  read about somewhere that he likes squirrels quite a lot.  there's these
  two videos that we got for wedding presents - called the e-files, e-files
  one and e-files two about how elvis is supposed to be still alive.  and
  one time when he came round we were watching one of those, but he didn't
  say anything he just sat on the armchair.  he was playing with his collar
  a bit, and we watched it right through and then when it finished he just
  got up and walked off into the mist and didn't say anything.  the first
  few times he came round i didn't speak to him at all, i wasn't really
  sure what to say.  and karen spoke to him quite a lot - she seemed to
  know what to do more than i do.  he had quite a strange manner though,
  he'd go into your stuff and look through it, then he'd maybe pick
  something up and play with it for a wee while, but he'd never make any
  comment about any of it.  seemed pretty rude to me.  i just watched
  whatever karen did, and listened to how she talked to him and then, after
  a while i started to copy that, and tell him a few things, not really
  bothered about whether he responded or said anything back or not.  i
  think the first time i spoke to him we were sitting up on the mezzanine
  and i said that i would tell him about  me and wee karen, and how it was
  that we'd come to be living there.  i thought he probably liked the fact
  that we were living there because he came round so much, so i thought he
  might want to know how it was that it came about.  we did it all over
  backwards, i told him .  first of all we got to know each other, and then
  a while after that we met, and when we'd known each other for about seven
  years we decided to have an anniversary, and that went quite well, so
  after the anniversary we had a honeymoon, and that went well too, so
  after that we decided that we would get married.  that's why we're living
  there now.  i used to think my dad was elvis, but i haven't told him that
  yet.  i haven't told my dad either...


  Will this do?  I thought it might be nice to print it out in a nice font
  like gill sans, centre-justified and all, then to blow it up on the work
  photocopier and hope noone spots me doing it.  Someone has already
  discovered the initial printout in the laser printer and wondered what on
  earth it was.  Actually I quite enjoyed the confuision it generated.  And
  reading it on the tube in my suit was even better. Adopting the air of a
  thrusting young business hotshot reading an important document in
  progress (which of course it was).  I hope it was being read over my
  shoulder.

  Umm... really embarassing, shameful request that I've delayed making
  because there have been so many other people out-grovelling and
  out-apologising each other with the same plea that I've held back.  But
  where has that got me? Nowhere.  Coyness is nice and so on.  So,
  hrrrmm... yes, if anyone would offer to tape 'Tigermilk' and/or R1
  sessions for me I would so grateful that I'd probably build an effigy and
  found some kind of rudimentary religion around them.  If that appeals
  then please get in touch by e-mail.  Phew, done it.

  Oh yes, another thing - did I read somewhere that one of the band members
  works in John Smiths on Byre's Road?  Just because that's where my sister
  worked for a little while about three years ago when she lived in one of
  the tenements just opposite.  I seem to recall her telling me that
  someone out of the Pastels used to work there too.

  Nick Dastoor,
  An enslaved corporate library assistant longing for the tigermilk of
  human kindness.
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