Sinister: out, but not proud

[Tag]

You lot,

Following Trousers cruel outing of Keith the Flower Picker, I think
it's time to tell all about the true nature of Little Stevie Trews
himself, would-be poet and sensitive artist, 

1	The bookshelves of Stephen's house, far from being lined with
the works of e.e. cummings, are packed with Sven Hassell and Tom
Sharpe novels, and back issues of "Loaded".

2	He lights his own farts, and emerges from the toilet saying
"Fucking 'ell, that was a ring-stinger, no-one smoke in there for a
week".

3	His walls are covered with pictures of his dream women -
Pamela Anderson and Jo Guest.  His pride and joy, however, is that
timeless picture of a tennis player scratching her bum.  "It's well
funny, and sexy as fuck", says Trews, with a lascivious look on his
face.

4	Trousers wears y-fronts with "Gurl bait" written above a
picture of a worm.  He changes them once a month whether he needs to
or not.

5	While many of you have an image of Trews ideal evening being
maybe a Bergman retrospective at the NFT, or perhaps a glass of
chablis at his favourite bistro, he is usually to be found at his
favourite boozer "Brahms and Liszt", singing along to the jukebox
playing "Hi Ho Silver Lining" with his mates Baz and Kev, before
settling down, putting his hand down the front of his "trackie"
bottoms, scratching his balls, turning to the girl next to him and
saying "You might be ugly, but you've got fucking great tits, love.
Fancy it?"  When his amourous advances are (inevitably) spurned, he
consoles himself by shouting "Come on my son, stick it in the back of
the net" at the football on TV.

6	Trousers favourite film is Porky's.  His favourite foreign
film is "Betty Blue".  "It's about this bird who can't speak a word of
English, but she gets her kit off", he explains.

Next week: Genevieve is revealed as Hank, a 45 year old Wall Street
Banker, the Duke shares his body-building tips, we visit Sister
Susannah at her private chapel at St Mary the Immaculate's Convent,
hear of JJ's tireless work for charity, Stuart Murdoch admits that
Milli Vanilli's production team wrote and performed all their songs,
and I tell you all about my week in Butlins.

Love
Tag x
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.             Listen, this is pish, I think I'll leave
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