Sinister: Paranoia

[graham thomson]

I'm not Paraniod in the conventional sence of the word, for example I don;t
beleive that the CIA have ever tried to blow up a bus that I have been on. 
I don;t either beleive that MI5 were responsable for making the plane I was
on last october catch fire.  I do remember once when I was young about 8
-like half my life ago- I was sure somebody had planted a bomb under my
bed.  No my paranoia is much more deep and sinister.  I have this reccuring
dream/nightmare/sleepwalk.  In the dream I am responceable for it all the
end of everything, I can;t remember  much about what I have done,  but I
know it is my fault and I can see myself in prospective to the whole
universe, {very scary beleive me!!}  I have to get away from the whole
univerce but I know I can;t and I never do escape.  What usually happens is
I wake up in the middle of the night in a form of limbo, I can remember
everything I do however I am not in a state to controll myself, last time I
locked myself in the toilet for half an hour while my Parents tried to get
me out.  I told them to "FUCK OFF" eventually I came out and tried to run
out the house.  After that I came out of it.  I rememberd everything but I
was not responsable for my actions.  
I beleive that it is my fear of the universe and whatever controlls that
gives me these dreams. I beleive that I am deeply worried about a god and
infinitie and my insignificance.   

John

P>S "I know your face, I saw it in a teenage wet dream" Jarvis Cocker

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