Sinister: Modest Proposal for an Asian Tour

[Claire King]

While suffering the plague of Tantalus awaiting the release of TBWTAS
and its painfully slow shipment to me in the Philippines, I have
devised a compelling (or at least amusing) plea (in loose list
format) for Belle and Sebastian to broaden their tour to include
Southeast Asia.   

Fans
You have proselytizing fans in the region, to wit, listees Oon in
Thailand, Richard and Glen in Hong Kong, as well as me and my cultish
converts in the Philippines. 

Posh digs
Because of the lingering Asian economic crisis your British pounds
would be worth wagonloads of local devalued currency.  You could all
stay in swank hotels and not feel guilty since your indulgence would
help our ailing economy (except in Manila, of course, where band
members could kip at my flat - please?!).  


Beyond Melodymaker
Ancillary instrumentation is something that makes Belle and Sebastian
special.  SE Asia would offer an opportunity to broaden your
repertoire of neat noises.  Here are some suggestions from the
Philippine archipelago:

Lunggo: imagine a cylindrical tuning fork made of a hollow bamboo
shaft.  It is held in one hand and slapped into the palm of the
other.  It vibrates and makes this interesting twanging vibration.

Kulintang:  sort of like a glockenspiel for drummers, kulintang means
“gongs in a row.” Played among the Maranao, the Maguindanao, the
Tausog and the Manobo tribes, it is basically a melody instrument
consisting of eight gongs placed horizontally in a frame and tuned to
a flexible pentatonic or five-tone scale.

Lots of cool plectrum instruments of Spanish origin but Filipino
flavour such as the bandurria, laud, octavina, mandola, guitarra, and
bajo de unas (supplanted today by the regular double bass). 

Oon, I’m sure, could tell you about all the possibilities in Thai
instrumentation.



Tarsier on Wheels 
Sure the Discovery Channel features all of the fascinating
evolutionary animal mutations left in Australia by Plate Tectonics
because they are really cute.  But Southeast Asia and the Pacific Rim
are teeming with oddly endearing creatures (not many marsupials or
hoppity wallabies though which is too bad).  Some examples of what we
have in the Philippines are:

Kolugo:  a charming flying lemur with sad eyes

The nasty and belligerent national symbol, the monkey-eating eagle

Tarsiers:  saucer-eyed, insect-eating midget monkey.  Four to five
inches tall with a giant tail, the tarsier is very cuddly.  It looks
a bit like a micro raccoon and hugs tree trunks like a koala bear but
with these cringe-worthy bulbous tree frog toes.

Butuki:  like geckos, they are harmless lizards that helpfully eat
our malarial mosquitoes.   They range in size from cute micro ones
that scuttle up and down the walls to son of Godzilla  okay a bit of
hyperbole, but there are some frighteningly gigantic ones with
suction cup feet that latch onto people in the rainforest and have to
be cut off!

Endangered sea horses: B&S could do a moving ballad called Judy and
her song of seahorses, dedicated to a species that is quickly
disappearing from Philippine mangroves to make herbal potency
extracts (Asia’s ancient answer to Viagra).

Note:  Sorry, but we have neither foxes nor snow.


General Exoticism

Wacky tropical fruit like hairy rambutan, spiky (and pongy) durian,
aubergine-coloured mangosteen and even buko milk (juice from the baby
coconut, tastes a bit like how I imagine Tigermilk)

You’ve got C&A and Marks & Sparks but we’ve got a huge chain
department shop called S&M.  Its like a dead Nietzchean metaphor;
nobody (alright, a few expats snicker) knows what it stands for
anymore.  (a question for Americans on the list: what does A&W stand
for? I saw a bottle of that root beer here but can’t figure it out)

Calamansi Honey especially for Honey (calamansi is a tropical
citrus fruit like a miniature cross between a lemon and lime but not
in a cheezy lymon Sprite way) 

Even if I haven’t convinced Belle & Sebastian, perhaps I’ve won over
some Sinister listees? Oon, we need an Amazing Thailand equivalent
post!  And, Richard, you and Gloria could forward Hong Kong as a
venue and then host the B&S gig on Lamma Island!

>From the mayhem that is Manila,
Claire


P.S.  To add to the list of list songs,  my favourite is Trams of Old
London by Robyn Hitchcock.  Here is a gratuitous excerpt:


On a clear night you can see
Where the rails used to be
Oh it seems like ancient myth
They once ran to Hammersmith 

Trams of Old London
Taking my baby into the past

Through Electric Avenue, Brixton 
Downing, Southwest, too
Teddington and Kennington
Twickenham and Paddington 

In the Blitz they never closed
Though they blew up half the roads
Oh it hurts me just to see ‘em
Going dead in a museum





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