Sinister: 1998 Pop Subutteo Tournament

[Kevan Cooke]

* Friday 27/11/98 14:30 Southampton
Good luck card from work colleagues and phone call from Alec at Nairns
reminding me not to compromise their market positioning strategy.  No idea
what he is talking about, but the cheque for two hundred pounds arrived
last week so I just agree with him.  Finish work early and head home for
final preparations.

* Friday 27/11/98 17:00 Basingstoke
Check all figures, oil moving parts, polish Stuart's silver trousers,
and practice set pieces.

* Saturday 28/11/98 08:00 Earls Court
Arrive at the venue, meet controversial 1994 runner-up Sabrina in
reception.  The rules have been changed since, to avoid a repeat of that
rather tawdry performance.

* Saturday 28/11/98 08:15 Earls Court
Find my table "Belle and Sebastian sponsored by Nairns Oakcakes" and start
to unpack.  Fresh batteries and a last polish for Stuart's trousers.  Head
to the restaurant for some breakfast and chat with Adam and the Ants as
other competitors arrive.

* Saturday 28/11/98 10:00 Earls Court
Opening match against The Equals featuring Eddy Grant.  Taken by surprise
as they launch straight in with Baby Come Back, but after withstanding
the body blow I hit back hard with Lazy Line Painter Jane, and a gentle
prod with Simple Things is enough for an early victory.

* Saturday 28/11/98 11:15 Earls Court
Take on the might of Metallica in the second round.  They had demolished
Robson and Jerome in the first round leaving the oldest competitor in tears,
poor Mrs Bootle.  A bit of research had suggested that Lars Ulrich would
be their weak spot, and the research paid off as Stuart D confounded the
pretty boy skin basher with some carefully crafted loops.  Before they had
had a chance to recover Le Pastie exposed the tedium of their riffery, and
an achingly beautiful State I Am In left them gibbering at Stuart's feet.

* Saturday 28/11/98 12:30 Earls Court
Lunch with Alec from Nairns who is very pleased with Belle and Sebastian's
performance so far.  Meet his corporate guests who include a purchasing
executive from Marks and Spencers called Brian.  Brian is pleased that
Metallica were felled by a song that mentioned his store.  Promise another
of Alec's guests (from Littlewoods) that I will use Pocketbook Angel against
The Undertones in the next round.

* Saturday 28/11/98 14:00 Earls Court
After a tactical and considered opening a ferocious battle ensues, one of
the hardest fought games that I can remember.  The Undertones put up a
really tough fight and look capable of going all the way to the final,
but the Belle and Sebastian set pieces are paying off.  Sarah loses a limb
during Teenage Kicks, and Feargal Sharky is left bloodied and visibly
shaken by The Boy With the Arab Strap.

* Saturday 28/11/98 14:45 Earls Court
At the end of time the game is still undecided, so Stuart and Feargal go
head to head in the decider.  Head to head tie breaks weren't part of my
pre-match training schedule, but luckily Feargal is still shaken, and can
only muster a cringing version of A Good Heart.  It looks as though Stuart
is going to walk it.

* Saturday 28/11/98 14:48 Earls Court
Stuart moves in for the kill and starts to sing "There's too many broken
hearts in the world, There's too many dreams can be broken in two"  Arrrgh!
I'm gonna get you Evans!

* Saturday 28/11/98 15:00 Earls Court
Judges announce disqualification of the Belle and Sebastian team, and entry
to the international Pop Subutteo competition in NYC is also in doubt.
Meanwhile Steps defeat last year's winners The Who in the final of the
competition.

* Sunday 29/11/98 11:20 Basingstoke
Phone call from Alec, he is surprisingly understanding about the whole
thing, apparently the scandal has made the headlines in the Sunday People
with Nairns name all over the front page.  Alec says that any publicity
is good publicity when it's on the front page of the national papers.

* Sunday 29/11/98 12:15 Basingstoke
Phone call from the Pop Subutteo international governing body confirming
that I have been barred from the NYC competition.  The plane tickets are
already paid for and it's too late to get a refund, so I will now be looking
for something to do in NYC between the 12th and the 15th of December.


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