Sinister: Fwd: Belle and Sebastian in your living room

[K Fraser]

A friend just sent this to me . . . I thought some of you might find
this interesting.  Please don't yell at me!

K

> For those wondering what B&S sound like, and how you can re-create
the magic in your own living room.

* * * How To Sound Like Belle & Sebastian in 5 Easy Steps! * * *
 -------------------------------------------------------

1. Find an acoustic guitar. Learn major chords only. Sidestep rubbish
things like minor chords, 7ths, etc. Those will be of no use where
you're going...

2. Write 'wry' and 'witty' lyrics about obtuse things like track and
field, Elvis, and your local minister.  Try to include the names of
fictional female characters as much as you can. The more common
sounding name, the better (it makes your songs seem more romantic).
Mary, Jane, Judy, Jenny - these are all perfect candidates when
writing a B&S song.  If you are feeling particularly adventurous, use
an oblique French phrase in your lyrics.  This will give your
recording that same certain "je ne sais quoi" that all B&S tracks
possess.

In addition, refer to yourself as MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Do this in 3rd
person.  Therefore, if your name is Edward Goldstein, write a song
that begins "I saw Edward Goldstein running with the minister". This
will help establish you as a witty and clever artist. This also works
for band names. Advanced users may include OTHER band names in a
similar manner. So, say you want to wryly and cleverly pay tribute to
a band called Radiohead, write a song called "The Girl With The Radio
Head".  People will love this. One key note: Make sure that your
lyrics don'tmake any sense, but try not to confuse them too much. Your
goal is to write a lyric that seems so clever and so in-the-know that
nobody in their right mind would up and admit that deep down they
really have no idea WHAT the hell you're on about. This
is a difficult art to perfect.

3. When writing the music, keep in mind that you have only two speeds.
 Speed #1 is a slow, foppish, folky sort of strum that oozes hazy
nostalgia. Speed #2 is Speed #1 except it's a little bit faster. Both
involve acoustic guitars. Remember, major chords only.

4. Before attempting to sing your song for the first time, put a load
of marbles in your mouth. Enunciation is the arch enemy of 'cleverness'.

5. Stage presence (or lack thereof) is also very important. When
performing your song, make sure and never look up. Doing this will
deflate the notion that you are both nostalgic and clever. Indeed,
always look down. Screw up a few chords here and there. Don't smile.
Whisper your lyrics. Do your best to be fey, waifish, and distant.  It
takes a bit of practice, but if you follow each step closely, you'll
soon be imitating B&S with the best of them!  And God knows, that's
exactly what this world needs.

Yours, cleverly and wryly,

Mark Pytlik

She looked like someone whose job, once you're dead, is to introduce
you to God.
                      Kathryn Chetkovich


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