Sinister: Merry Christmas (or What It's Like to Be a Santa Claus)

[Mick McMick]

Ho ho ho,
	Just the other day I indeed had the harrowing experience of being jolly
old (20 years old) St. Mick, er, I mean Nick. My X-mas job of Santa
Photographer caused me to do this. It appears one of the Santas just
didn't show up a couple of days. His car was stolen, though this is of
course false, because the particular Santa has a penchant for lying. Woe
to the child who sits upon his very, very large knees. But I digress...
	I showed up a few minutes early to work, and I had a bit of time to
shuffle around and worry about dropping wee babes on their heads and
spoiling little kids' idea of Santa Claus. After a bit, I went upstairs
to put on my Santa costume. It fit fine, except the belt was far too
big, and I couldn't even find any of the holes that the thingydoo would
slip into (note: belt reference, *NOT* sexual reference). Then came the
beard. Oh, the pains of wearing a scratchy beard that 3 other men have
slobbered all over for the past 3 weeks. First of all it stays on your
face by means of a thick rubber strap which fits over one's ears. It
feels okay for 4.5 seconds, then your ears begin to ache, and it slips
off and you have to move it back up. I tried to make it look like I was
just scratching my head, so I hope the kids bought it. But worse yet,
the beard was close fitting, and little "hairs" forced their way into my
mouth as I spoke, saying "What color truck would you like?" And lets not
forget that this suit was damned hot, but that was the least of my
worries.
	Well, I didn't drop any children, and most of them didn't cry when they
sat down upon my lap. We had some cheeky teenagers who wanted me to sit
on *their* lap, so I did, and we took pictures of that. ONe of them, a
young lady of perhaps 15 or 16 years, kept asking me why I never brought
her a pony, though she had asked year after year. Anyhoo, I got a
picture of me with a toddler, I'll scan it and send it to Honey whenever
I get the chance. 
	Oh, for all of you Sinisterines who know that Santa is real, those men
at the malls aren't real Santas. They're Santa's "Helpers."
	 I loved Adrian's engineering forward. I was guffawing here at my
computer. The image of 78,000 flaming reindeer hurtling at 650 miles per
second while Santa's cheeks flare up is a rather amusing picture. But
lets be realistic, now, everyone knows Santa magically stops time in
order to do his business. It probably actually takes him a week to
deliver all the goods, but we're all frozen in time, so we wouldn't
know. The cookies and milk are his only meals for that period, so kids,
don't forget to leave your cookies & milk out for Santa, or he'll starve
and die and you'll find a thin Santa with a distended belly whimpering
on your floor the next morning. But anyway, this time stop allows Santa
all the time he needs to eat the cookies, deliver presents, shoot back
up the chimney, and even to write "Santa" in wee in the snow. 
	Now for some reason I never realized that the Beat Patrol session
featured the band covering a Christmas song. I think my girlfriend has
that session, I'd better get it from her...
	Furthermore, I have decided that Lesley Jo has assumed the esteemed
position of List Genevieve, because Genevieve hardly ever posts any
more, and we miss her. But anyway, it's nice to see someone filling her
Quebecoise slippers. Bravo to Lesley Jo for that last, most brilliant of
posts.
	"Professor, what's another word for pirate treasure? Why, I do believe
it's Belle B!O!O!T!Y!" An excellent idea if I ever saw one. Lets hope
that David doesn't shoot the idea down. But, Belle Booty sounds like the
name of a "classy" strip joint. Then again, I guess that's in the spirit
of things, isn't it?

 /"\_/"\_/"\   Saint Micholas - bp224995 at ohiou.edu - ICQ#5056758
 \         /   Sandcastle Records - (same e-mail for now) 
  |       |    Sandcastle Homepage -  
  |       |      http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Amphitheatre/4972/ 
  |       |    "I am always wishing to make people  
  |       |        in the world happy with my smiles."   
  |       |            - Mr. Friendly
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