Sinister: A guide for Belle and Sebastian no-good-niks

[Reid Dossinger]

Hello, all.  I know you've been worried sick about me, but I've been
okay.  For some reason (I won't go accusing people of writing in to get
me off the list, even though we all know that's what happened and
they're after me again because I know too much, etc.), I just simply
stopped getting those lovely digests.  At first I thought maybe things
had just died down a bit for silent appreciation of the horns in "Slow
Graffiti", but then I realized, "Surely *someone* must have something to
say about nothing of interest."  Sure enough, I'd gotten the boot for
what was mostly likely just a mechanical glitch.  Strangely enough, I
manged to do without pretty damn well, considering.  I was exiled to the
strange land of "Winston-Salem", where I watched TV and was hungry at no
point for two whole days.  I saw a documentary about Metallica and
watched Maryland lose to Kentucky.  One of those things made me sad.

What brings me here is a guide to liking those B&S songs you don't
like.  I normally wouldn't touch this topic with a disinfected baseball
bat, but the best thing about B&S to me is...well, I'm picky.  Very,
very picky.  I drive my friends nuts when we discuss music, because
nothing is good enough for me.  And I don't think B&S have set a single
foot wrong.  Sure, they've made a few weird, possibly ill-advised
decisions, but none of their songs are "appalling" or even bad.  The
only thing is, it's sometimes a challenge to find the treat inside the
cracker-jack box that is every B&S song.  So, a little help on some of
the more difficult ones:

* Fox in the Snow: Turn the volume up to a ludicrous level, sit
somewhere where you won't be disturbed, and if the first 20 seconds
don't make you swoon...well, there's really nothing that anyone can do
for you.  You may as well just end it all right now.

* This is Just a Modern Sock Bong: This one you have to put in the "60's
folk-pop" category.  It's got that old folky verse-after-verse
arrangement to it, but then it's got these oblique '90's lyrics.  And if
you think Stevie sounds anything less than angelic, then you need to be
re-examined, because "subject is able to function in normal society" was
obviously a mis-diagnosis.  Plus, you can at least appreciate it for one
of the best closing lines EVER since "Frank Mills".  If this doesn't
help, give up on music.  Sell your collection back and buy knitting
supplies.

* The Boy Done Wrong Again: Sure, it isn't the most *exciting* song
they've ever done, but if you use the same technique that you've already
used to appreciate Fox In the Snow, you should be well on your way to
appreciating it as simply "pretty".  If the concept of appreciating
things simply because they're pretty bothers you, then you're obviously
very ugly and bitter about it.  Join the Korn email list.  They probably
*love* talking about stuff they think sucks.

* You Made Me Forget My Dreams: "You Made Some People Forget to Have
Good Taste" more like!  Do I have to come over there and shake you?!
Look: a) the ending, b) the lyrics (try reading the booklet this time),
c) "There was blood on the sheets again".  Have you actually *listened*
to this song or are you just trying to be popular and go along with what
the kids at the back of the bus are saying?  They don't really like you
anyway.  They're just pretending to be your friend so they can swim in
your pool.  Sucker.

* "Chickfactor": Of ferchristsakes!  It's the music, not the lyrics.
This one...I can see the problems with it, but Isobel said in her
interview in Chickfactor (ooh, how appropriate!) that she considers her
cello part in it to be the best part she's ever come up with, and if you
have a problem with that, then keep looking over your shoulder, because
Lesley has a crowbar she calls "Friend of Izzy" that helps her 'fix' Ms.
Cambell's critics.  Oh, never mind...you can dislike this song if you
want.  I'll give you permission *and* a laminated Hate pass.

* The Gate: remember that '60's song that goes "I think it's so groovy
now that people are finally getting together"?  They played it before
they came on in Athens.  This song is like that one.  Don't try to
compare it to Stars of Track and Field or State That I Am In or anything
else.  It is, like Chickfactor, totally unique.  And it's still a good
song.  What's my point?  Oh, I don't know.  I get to go home now and
make Christmas cookies.

Oodles of sarcastic love,
     Reid

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