Sinister: To begin with; I was born without earlobes.*

[Funkyseb at xxx.com]

Hello popkids,
     All been gobbling shite like little festive veal calves?
Good.
I've squeezed out of my crate for a few minutes to talk to you all, well, it's
only polite, isn't it? And no one's reported back from the blue sod crimbo
party yet have they? Well, much fun was had by all and our host, the none-
more-suave stevie trousers produced mountains of food which we all ate.
Hoorah!
    And, lo, the angels of the list came upon us, and the glory of tag and tim
p!o!p!kins shone all about us. And we were sore afraid. Or something.
Then everyone put bits of shit in a sack, and got lovely gifts in return. At
least, that's how it worked for me. I met lots of gorgeous people I hadn't
seen before, and lots of ugly ones who I had. The evening wound down in the
now traditional manner- indie-smindie pictionary, and popkins and trousers
arguing drunkenly about scritti politti.Yaay! 
     I type all this with cemented fingers, so excuse my occasional
mispellings. I've just finished making a tiny wee bus, and painting it, and
sticking on little tyres and things. It was all very exciting. Now I want to
make a little tiny chip shop, and a little tiny cafe to go with it. And a
house like a caravan. And when I suceed in cloning a tiny weeny Stuart M (from
some DNA I found on an old felt T shirt), I can put them in his cage, to keep
him happy, and stop him from chewing his legs off.
     I saw Billie the other day. She's bigger than she looks on telly, but
then my telly's only little. Which maybe explains it. I work in her old stage
school, and her file, if anyone's interested, describes her singing as
'basic'. She also has two mums, which is far more interesting than I'd have
thought anyone from swindon would be capable of.
     Right, I'll leave you all to get back to your bickering. I'm off to
Boston to see the big swans; they sound lovely.
byebye
seb
* The first person to e mail me, stating the film that quote is ripped from,
wins a simply fabulous prize. Oh yes indeed. (Unless it's Kneedham01 in which
case you get a turd through the post for being a bastard)            

''We had a good Xmas that year; it must have been good, 'cause they're still
not talking to me.'' Animals that swim
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