Sinister: The Fox and the Boxer

[Chris Leonard]

Today is a very strange day.  Despite being mid-summer, the sun has failed
to fire its sparkly grin upon my pale bones, resulting in a fair bit chilly
me.

Whatever could have happened to make the sun give up so?  Surely nothing is
so bad it would result in the ceasing of the sun.  God created it to create
life - why would God want to turn it off?  Eh?

Well, I know why.
Gather round and let me tell you a dark and chilling short story:

(This is nonsense made up from my brain and not based on anyone you know or
have ever heard of, so shh.)

The Fox and the Boxer
================
ch1.  1973

Little Struan M was a strange young boy.  He looked like a girl, walked
like a girl, talked like a girl - even when he tried to sing he sang like a
girl!  In fact if I hadn't just told you he was a boy, you would probably
think he was a girl too.  

Being so girlie made life very hard for young Struan.  You see, he lived in
the toughest street in the whole of Troon, a vile and wretched town on the
westermost coast of Scotland.  Everyone Struan ever saw wore big bubble
Kappa coats, and had drugs and strange angry eyes in their face. They
called Struan names like "Poofter" and "Bufftie", and often punched him
till it hurt.  Even Struan's dad was nasty to him.  "If I wanted a girl I'd
have fucking stole one", he used to say whilst leathering Struan.

You may think all this unpleasantness would have had a detrimental effect
on our young girlie hero.  Not at all!  He loved it!  "I'm so different
from everyone, I can't fail to become a pop star", he said.  And the
strange thing is he genuinely believed it.

ch2.  1984

Some years passed.   Struan was older and taller, but still girlie.  But he
got lucky, cos it suddenly became really trendy to be girlie and he got all
the proper lady girls!  They loved him and his lovely golden locks of
syrupy head hair.  He had a great time.  In fact, he was having such a
great time with the ladies he forgot all about his pop star career.  But
that didn't matter, he was busy.

ch3.

Some more years passed.  Our effeminate chum had grown weary of his uncanny
pulling power and shapely hips.  He decided he wanted to become a boxer of
all things!  A boxer!  How ridiculous is that?  As you may have suspected,
he wasn't very good at it.  He was good at taking, but not much cop at
pounding others in the ring.  For the 800th time he was on the canvas in a
daze, blood dripping from his pert ruby lips and little cartoon foxes
circling his head.

To Struan's surprise, one of the foxes stopped to speak to him!  "What are
you up to?", said the little fox, "I thought you wanted to be a pop
star!?".  "Nmmughagha", said Struan.  "Listen", said the fox "if you want
really want to be a pop star I know a quick and easy way, but you have to
really want it.  Do you want it!?".  "uh-huh" murmured Struan.  "I said DO
YOU WANT IT!??!", shouted the fox.  "UH-HUH" said Struan.  "SHOW ME HOW
MUCH YOU WANT IT THEN!!!!" demanded the fox.   "MMMMWAAAAAAAAGH!!!!", cried
Struan as he lept to his feet and knocked his opponent out cold with one
perfectly executed left uppercut.  "I WANT IT THAT MUCH!!!!!!!".   
"Follow me", said the fox.

The little fox led Struan out into a cold and wintry night.  "If you want
to make it, your going to have to make sacrifices.  Kill me a virgin,
smother yourself in her blood and spill your seed. Soon it will all start
to happen."

"OK", said Struan as his eyes turned an evil red.  

The year was 1996. 

WA HA HA HA HA HA HA (like the devil).
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