Sinister: No sex please, we're sinister

[Robert McTaggart]

Hello Playmates,

That sitcom idea of Mark's has inspired me, and so I've come up with
some fine ideas for the Sinister sitcom.  I toyed with "Carry on
romping" (starring Kenneth Williams as Stu Murdo, Charles Hawtrey as
Stu D, with Bernard Bresslaw fitting the Fatty Hopkins role - maybe
"fitting" isn't the right word, filling is probably more appropriate)
but once I'd cast Hattie Jacques as Honey and Babs Windsor as
Katrina, I ran out of ideas.  Then I thought of those wonderful gentle
Sunday evening comedies that Julian says I love so much.  I was
seriously considering "Oh! Doctor Mitchell", before I realised that it
was, in fact, bollocks.

I rejected "Are you being Sinister" (though Keith shouting "I'm free"
did have a certain appeal).  "Allo, allo" got a look in too, but
Genevieve in a French maid's uniform and my great plan for the part of
Herr Flick got rejected as being...err, dodgy.

So, it's going to be the Terry and Joooooon option, I'm afraid.  It's
set in leafy suburbia, a cul de sac populated by seemingly normal
Daily Mail readers, but closer imspection reveals that them to be ...
strange.

So here's the cast:

Mr Trousers: the earnest commuter, married to Susannah, a buxom young
woman with a sexual appetite to make one blush.  She's always
suggesting he takes time out of his busy schedule or "can't you have
it off for once in your life?" as she puts it.  Every episode revolves
around his attempts to avoid sex.  However, this does not mean he
isn't interested, and his attentions are drawn frequently drawn to:

Honey, the dazzling young blonde from next door.  But Honey has a
strange secret tucked away.  Can you guess what it is viewers?
Needless to say, Honey works at a fruit and veg shop, and Trousers is
very partial to ripe, firm melons.

Esme, the mousy librarian always turning up at inoppurtune moments.
Anne has offered her services and suggested she has telekinetic
powers, which she is amusingly unaware of.  As far as I'm concerned
this means she can make people's trousers fall down with the blink of
an eye.  Anne also suggested that Esme is constantly referring to her
imaginary husband, who I shall call Mr Flopp.  She is completely
bonkers.

Mr Dandycock (played by Keith), a camp hairdresser, who lives with his
"brother" Rodney.  Mr Dandycock fancies Mr Trousers rotten, and is
forever suggesting he "pops round the back".  For a cup of tea.

Inspector Ramsbottom, the local policeman, played by Peter Miller.
Ramsbottom is a jovial old lech, forever being called the scene of
Trousers compromising predicaments.  Often he will call round to the
Trousers residence and will knock at the door and comment on
Susannah's "magnificent knockers".

Until next time...shake your booty,

Love Tag x
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.                 Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa
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