Sinister: The City Imp

[Chris Leonard]

This is indeed a dark time for the pop rebellion.  In a vain effort to
unite the
list in love, I have taken it upon myself to write a short play.  
Unlike the new Star Wars Trilogy,  my play is the uplifting tale of a 
boys return to grace!  How happy is that!  

All the characters here are fictional from my brain.  If they remind you
of anyone, or if the names sound familiar then that is purely
coincidental.
You see, I made it up.  I love everyone in the world apart from bad
people, 
wankers and the evil Jesus clone.


THE CITY IMP
===========

SCENE 1

<Struan Davids house - A one room log cabin hidden in a large>
<bush in Glasgow's Kevingrove Park.   Struan logs off his pedal> 
<powered pentium and punches a chib off the wall into the fireplace>

Struan D:  THIS IS PISH!  PISH I SAY! PISH! PISH! PISH!  
                I HATE EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

<Struan's long suffering wife, Wee Eckie comes in.  She is wearing>
<a traditional style Scots bunnet and a ladies kilt>

Wee Eckie:  Och what's all this noise about now Struan?  Everyone can
hear
                   you in the park outside.  Your putting all the boys
off their shagging.	

Struan D:   I WAS ON THE COMPUTER AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT!  I'M LEAVING!

Wee Eckie:  God, you're not going to the pub again are you Struan?
You're
	       drinking far too much.  You know I don't like it when you're
drunk,
	       why don't you stay in with me, and we can watch the boys in the 
                   park.

Struan D:  LEAVE ME ALONE YOU WENCH!  I NEVER LIKED YOU! 

Wee Eckie:  Struan, come on just....just let go!  It was years ago now
for                                                        
                   Gods sake! Just because he died doesn't mean you have
                   to stop living! What happened to the boy I fell in
love with?

Struan D: PISH!  PISH I SAY!  PISH!!!!!!!!

<Struan Storms out of the house and slams the door.  Wee Eckie starts to
weep>


SCENE 2:

<The Halt Bar, Woodlands Road, Glasgow, some hours later.  Struan sits> 
<alone in the corner, with a big glass of whisky and several empties in
front>
<of him.  On the small mock stage a local boy in a suit plays some blues
>
<slide guitar.  Struan sips his whisky and starts to talk to himself
like a> 
<drunken arse.>

<Struan D> What happened to me?  Why am I so grumpy all the time?  
                  I know deep down that there is good in me.  I can feel
it - but,
                  God, I really miss Taggart.  He was the best detective
Glasgow has ever 	     
                  known.  And a hardy bastard to boot.  Even though he
had a face           
                  like a bulldog licking pish off a thistle, he had
character.
                  And that's what counts these days.  And to think - he
died of a
                  broken heart.  WHY?  WHY?  PISH I SAY!

SCENE 3:

<A drunken Struan D staggers along a woody woodland path on his way
back>
 <home.  He trips and falls.>

<Struan D> PISH I SAY!

<Too weary and drunken to stand up, he rolls on his back and stares up
through the >
<trees at the stars.  He closes his eyes and starts drift off to sleep,
only to be brought>
<round by a strange beautiful music.  He opens his eyes and sits up.
Standing on a >
<toadstool directly in front of him is a little man, about 3 inches
high.  He has a little guitar, about>
<one inch long.  He is wearing a felt T-shirt, and a badge which reads
"Little Struan M".  >
<Struan D listens to the words the little man is singing>

<Little Struan M>
(sings)
# When I was a taller man, #
# I manly manned a ship. #
# A vessel with a womans touch, #
# I called her "Pale Margaret" #
# Maggie sailed around the world #
# By every coastal shore #
# But now I am a little man #
# I'll sail in her no more, no more #
# I'll sail in her no more. #

<Struan D> Who are you, little man?

<Little Struan M> I am the imp of the city.  The City Imp.  I have
magical powers.

<Struan D>  What sort of magical powers?

<Little Struan M> I have the magical power of song.  What would you to
hear a song about?

<Struan D> Sing me a song about why Taggart had to die.

<Little Struan M> Hmm.  OK.
(sings)

# Taggart had to die #
# Cause he had a broken heart #
# His lady went before her time #
# But now they are together #
# And never will they part #
# Praise the Lord oh Praise the Lord for he is fine, he is fine #
# Praise the Lord Oh Praise the Lord for he is fine #

<Struan D> I really want to say that was pish, but I can't bring myself
too!
                 Hey! I've lost all my inside hate!  You've cured me
little man!  Thank you!
	     Thank you!  I have to get home to Wee Eckie!

SCENE 5:

<Struan D's house.  Struan burst's through the door>
<Struan D>  Wee Eckie!  I LOVE YOU!  I'm sorry I've been such a prick
for the last few years
	       Will you marry me again? I love everyone in the world apart from
bad people, wankers and the evil Jesus clone.

<Wee Eckie> Oh Struan!  I LOVE YOU!  Yes I will marry you again!

SCENE 6:
<Struan D And Wee Eckie walk holding hands into the sunset.  Aaah.>

THE END

Aaaah indeed.  I don't think I've been nasty to anyone on the list, but
If I have I'm sorry.  You are all my brothers and sisters in the name of
the Belles.

God Bless each and every one of you,
Chris the Sheep





	   


 


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.             Listen, this is pish, I think I'll leave
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