Sinister: In honor of Northy's Departure...

[Paige Rosella]

My friend forwarded this to me yesterday.  In light of recent events, I think it's quite funny.  Of course, I forward this only in good humor, not out of spite.
Paige

>>> 
>>>  W E L S H  F R I C T I O N
>>>       
>>>       The Scene: John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson sitting in car 
>>>       talking.
>>>                      (Pulp Fiction music fades off...)
>>>        
>>>       S: Ok, so tell me again about the Welsh.
>>>       
>>>       J: Whaddya wanna know?
>>>       
>>>       S: Beastiality is legal there right?
>>>        
>>>       J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't
>>> just
>>>      walk
>>>          into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They
>>> want 
>>>          you to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.
>>>        
>>>       S: And those are valleys?
>>>        
>>>       J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its
>>> legal 
>>>      to own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan 
>>>          sheep, its ILLEGAL to fuck sheep in public but...but...but
>>> that 
>>>          doesn't matter 'cos, getta loada this, the police in Wales
>>> are 
>>>          too stupid to notice you've got a sheep hanging off your
>>> dick. I 
>>>          mean that's the intellect the police in Wales DON'T have.
>>>        
>>>       S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm
>>> never
>>>      fuckin'  goin'.
>>>        
>>>       J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the
>>> funniest 
>>>      thing about Wales is?
>>>        
>>>       S: What?
>>>        
>>>       J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda
>>> people
>>>      over there as we got here, but there they're a little different.
>>>        
>>>       S: Example.
>>>        
>>>       J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cardiff and order a
>>> lump 
>>>      of coal, and I'm not talkin' about no paper cup, I'm talkin'
>>> about a 
>>>          LUMP of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in McDonalds.
>>> Do 
>>>          you know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Wales?
>>>        
>>>       S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?
>>>        
>>>       J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what
>>> the 
>>>      fuck a 1/4 pounder is.
>>>        
>>>       S: So whadda they call it?
>>>        
>>>       J: A (assumes welsh accent) "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch".
>>>        
>>>       S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?
>>>        
>>>       J: That's right.
>>>        
>>>       S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?
>>>        
>>>       J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch
>>> (accent
>>>          again).
>>>        
>>>       S: (imitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?
>>>        
>>>       J: Ha ha ha
>>>        
>>>       S: Whadda they call a Whopper?
>>>        
>>>       J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put
>>> on
>>>      French Fries in Swansea instead of ketchup?
>>>        
>>>       S: What?
>>>        
>>>       J: Coal.
>>>        
>>>       S: Arrr man...
>>>        
>>>       J: I've seen 'em do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.
>>>      
>>> 
>>> 
>>> And keeping on the theme of Welsh and their little pastimes...
>>> 
>>> 
>>>      Two welsh farmers were talking about their sheep. The first
>>> farmer says "I'm not having any luck getting these sheep to breed." 
>>>      
>>>      The second farmer replies "You have to do it yourself if you want
>>> any 
>>>      results." 
>>>      
>>>      "What do you mean?" the first farmer asks curiously. 
>>>      
>>>      "It's simple. Load them up in your lorry, take them around behind
>>> the 
>>>      barn, and do the business. Wait about three days, and you should
>>> see 
>>>      them start to act peculiarly." 
>>>      
>>>      So the first farmer thinks about this, then decides he's going to
>>> do 
>>>      it. The next day, he loads the sheep up in the lorry, drives them
>>> out 
>>>      behind the barn and proceeds to screw each one in succession. 
>>>      
>>>      Three days pass and he's sitting in the kitchen with his wife. 
>>>      
>>>      "Look out of the window and tell me if those sheep are acting 
>>>      peculiarly." says the farmer to his wife. 
>>>      
>>>      "Nothing unusual" the wife responds. 
>>>      
>>>      Upset, the farmer loads them up in the lorry the next day, drives
>>> them 
>>>      out behind the barn, and goes to town on them again. Three more
>>> days 
>>>      pass. 
>>>      
>>>      "Those sheep doing anything funny?" says the farmer to his wife, 
>>>      sitting in the kitchen. 
>>>      
>>>      "Nope." she responds. 
>>>      
>>>      Pissed off, the farmer decides to give it one more try. The very
>>> next 
>>>      day he loads them up in the lorry, drives them out behind the
>>> barn, 
>>>      and really screws their brains out. Three days pass, and once
>>> again 
>>>      he's sitting in the kitchen with his wife. 
>>>      
>>>      "Those sheep doing anything peculiar?" he asks, hopefully. 
>>>      
>>>      "As a matter of fact, yes.", replies the wife. "They're all
>>> sitting in 
>>>      the lorry, and one of them is honking the horn." 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where
>>> the
>>> following people are stranded:
>>>     * 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
>>>     * 2 French men and 1 French woman
>>>     * 2 German men and 1 German woman
>>>     * 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
>>>     * 2 English men and 1 English woman
>>>     * 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
>>>     * 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
>>>     * 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
>>>     One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of
>>> nowhere!
>>>     * One Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
>>>     * The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily
>>> together in
>>>     a "menage a trois"---.
>>>     * The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they
>>>     alternate with the German woman.
>>>     * The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman
>>> is
>>>     cleaning and cooking for them.
>>>     * The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to
>>> the
>>>     English woman.
>>>     * The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look
>>> at the
>>>     woman and started swimming.
>>>     * The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide
>>> while
>>>     the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the
>>> true
>>>     nature of feminism.  But at least it's not snowing and the taxes
>>> are
>>>     low.
>>>     * The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and
>>>     setting  up a distillery.  They don't remember if sex is in the
>>> picture,  cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of
>>>     coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting
>>>     any...


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.             Listen, this is pish, I think I'll leave
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