Sinister: Fwd: a little crude, but funny none the less!]]]

[cybersmartie]

>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>To My Dear Wife:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 
times.
>>>>>>>>>>I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 
ten 
>>>>>>>days.
>>>>>>>>>>The following  is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>-54 times the sheets were clean
>>>>>>>>>>-17 times it was too late
>>>>>>>>>>-49 times you were too tired
>>>>>>>>>>-20 times it was too hot
>>>>>>>>>>-15 times you pretended to be asleep
>>>>>>>>>>-22 times you had a headache
>>>>>>>>>>-17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
>>>>>>>>>>-16 times you said you were too sore
>>>>>>>>>>-12 times it was the wrong time of the month
>>>>>>>>>>-19 times you had to get up early
>>>>>>>>>>-  9 times you said you weren't in the mood
>>>>>>>>>>-  7 times you were sunburned
>>>>>>>>>>-  6 times you were watching the late show
>>>>>>>>>>-  5 times you didn't want to mess you new hair-do
>>>>>>>>>>-  3 times you said the neighbours would hear us
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not 
satisfactory
>>>>>>>>>>because:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>- 6 times you just layed there
>>>>>>>>>>- 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
>>>>>>>>>>- 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
>>>>>>>>>>- 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
>>>>>>>>>>- and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you 
>>>move
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>To My Dear Husband:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>I think you have things a little confused. Here are the 
reasons 
>>>>you
>>>>>>>>>>didn't get more than you did:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>-  5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
>>>>>>>>>>- 36 times you did not come home at all
>>>>>>>>>>- 21 times you didn't cum
>>>>>>>>>>- 33 times you came too soon
>>>>>>>>>>- 19 times you were soft before you got in
>>>>>>>>>>- 38 times you worked too late
>>>>>>>>>>- 10 times you got cramps in your toes
>>>>>>>>>>- 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
>>>>>>>>>>-  2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the 
>>>balls
>>>>>>>>>>-  4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
>>>>>>>>>>-  3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
>>>>>>>>>>-  2 times you had a splinter in your finger
>>>>>>>>>>- 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
>>>>>>>>>>-  6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
>>>>>>>>>>- 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. 
on 
>>>>>TV
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>Of the times we did get together, the reasons I laid still was 
>>>>>>>>because:
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>- You missed and were fucking the sheets
>>>>>>>>>>- I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said 
>>>>was,
>>>>>>>>>>"would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
>>>>>>>>>>- The time you felt me move, was because you farted and I was 
>>>>>trying
>>>>>>>>>>to breathe
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>HEH HEH!!
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>I have a game for you. Once you read this letter, you have to 
>>>keep 
>>>>>>it
>>>>>>>>>>going. You must send this letter to 7 people within 5 days. On 
>>>the 
>>>>>>>5th
>>>>>>>>>>day someone will ask you out or say "I love you". This is not 
a 
>>>>>>joke.
>>>>>>>>>It
>>>>>>>>>>has worked for many years. If you break the chain, you will 
have 
>>>>>bad
>>>>>>>>>>luck forever.
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Sunday, wish for a really fun 
>>>week.
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Monday, wish for money.
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Tuesday, wish for love.
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Wednesday, wish for success.
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Thursday, wish for anything you 
>>>>>want.
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Friday, wish for a hot date.
>>>>>>>>>>* If you read this letter on a Saturday, wish for an important 
>>>>>phone
>>>>>>>>>>call
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>Send this to seven people (after you make a wish).
>>>>>>>>>>REMEMBER, make a wish, send this letter (and hope it happens).
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>Good Luck!!
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>______________________________________________________
>>>>Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
>>>
>>>
>>>______________________________________________________
>>>Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>______________________________________________________
>>>Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>Jeff
>                              .-""-.
>                              (___/\ \
>            ,                 (|^ ^ ) )
>           /(                _)_\=_/  (
>     ,..__/ `\          ____(_/_ ` \   )
>      `\    _/        _/---._/(_)_  `\ (
>        '--\ `-.__..-'    /.    (_), |  )
>            `._        ___\_____.'_| |__/
>               `~----"`   `-.........'
>
>   
>
>


______________________________________________________
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