Sinister: My personal picnic

[Stuart Gardiner]

Well since everyone's enjoying the picnic / drinking session down in
London at the moment, and I'm stuck here revising (or at least attempting
to revise), I thought I'd take an hour off to hold my own pretend picnic.

So I dug out a plastic plate which hasn't been eaten off (or cleaned)
since last summer. I then ate some plain bread rolls, followed by some
cheese slices on their own, because noone remembered to bring a knife.
After that I had a Scotch Egg and some potato salad (of course noone would
ever dream of eating either except at a picnic).

It was at round about this time that the first major argument occurred
between me and my parents.

At this point I realised that it wasn't nearly realistic enough, so I
finished my food whilst sitting next to a wasps' nest.

At this point, 5 people complained that they hadn't had enough food and
were still hungry; and everyone else packed away all the uneaten food
which noone liked.

Next, I stood under the shower for 20 minutes, wearing sunglasses, saying 
"It's OK, there's no need to move, the rain's easing off now" every 30
seconds.

It was at round about this time that the fifth major argument occurred
between me and my parents.

Eventually I packed it all up, pausing for a brief moment to wonder how
there was more stuff left than there was at the start, and why I bothered
taking a frisbee which never got used all day.

Tomorrow morning I will wake up and wonder how I managed to get sunburnt,
despite the fact that the sun didn't come out all day.

All in all, it was a fine day. I must do it again sometime.

Stuart G

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.                 Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa
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