Sinister: Jive Talkin'

[Keith Watson]

This is a thing on the web called the Dialiectizer, which is funny, I
decided to run through the little piece of text on the programme for Belle
and Sebastian's concert at the Moir Hall a while back through it, on the
"jive" setting, and this is what it comes up with...

First the original...

Ladies and Gentlemen,
    Welcome to out little evenings entertainment in the plush municipal
surrounds of the Mitchell Library. I’m certain Mr.Mitchell would turn in his
book-lined grave if he knew what we were doing here tonight. We are
privileged to have Falkirk’s Arab Strap playing with us tonight. They will
open with a short set of acoustic observations. They are good, but quite
rude, so it is suggested that you position your hands over the ears of small
children in readiness. Next come Belle and Sebastian. Recording on the
Jeepster label, this group (all active members of the T.A.) will play songs
from the record If You’re Feeling Sinister. In fact, they will play the
whole record in sequence. This is the sort of indulgence that gives rock a
bad name. To give you something to do while you listen to ten songs which
you probably don’t know, we have provided a handy checklist opposite. The
band have stuck the encore onto the end of the set, so you can be assured
that there will be no ugly surprises to come between you and your Saturday
gins.

And then run through the "dialiectizer"

Ladies and Gentlemen,
    Welcome t'out little evenin's entertainment in de plush municipal
surrounds uh de Mitchell Library. Slap mah fro! I'm certain Mr. Ah be
baaad...Mitchell would turn in his scribblin'-lined grave if he knowed whut
we wuz hangin' here tonight. Man! We is privileged t'have
Falkirk's Arab Strap playin' wid us tonight. Man! Dey gots'ta jimmey wid
some sho't set uh acoustic observashuns. Dey is baaaad, but
quite rude, so's it be suggested dat ya' posishun yo' hands upside de ears
uh small children in eyeballiness. Next mosey on down Belle and Sebastian.
'S coo', bro. Reco'din' on de Jeepsta' label, dis group (all active members
uh de T.A.) gots'ta play beats fum de reco'd If Youse Feelin' Sinister. Ah
be baaad... In fact, dey gots'ta play de whole reco'd in sequence. Dis be de
radical indulgence dat gives rock some baaaad dojigger. To cut ya' sump'n
t'do while ya' listen t'ten beats which ya' probably duzn't know, we gots
provided some handy checklist opposite. De band gots stuck de enco'e onto de
end uh de set, so's ya' kin be assho' mand dat dere gots'ta be no ugly
surprises t'come between ya' and yo' Saturday gins.


Cheers,
    Keith.


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