Sinister: Jive Talkin'

[Alexandre P. Tobin]

jesus, mate, THAT is some funny stuff.  almost knocked me bloody socks off, you
did.

TheSnogger

Keith Watson wrote:

> This is a thing on the web called the Dialiectizer, which is funny, I
> decided to run through the little piece of text on the programme for Belle
> and Sebastian's concert at the Moir Hall a while back through it, on the
> "jive" setting, and this is what it comes up with...
>
> First the original...
>
> Ladies and Gentlemen,
>     Welcome to out little evenings entertainment in the plush municipal
> surrounds of the Mitchell Library. I’m certain Mr.Mitchell would turn in his
> book-lined grave if he knew what we were doing here tonight. We are
> privileged to have Falkirk’s Arab Strap playing with us tonight. They will
> open with a short set of acoustic observations. They are good, but quite
> rude, so it is suggested that you position your hands over the ears of small
> children in readiness. Next come Belle and Sebastian. Recording on the
> Jeepster label, this group (all active members of the T.A.) will play songs
> from the record If You’re Feeling Sinister. In fact, they will play the
> whole record in sequence. This is the sort of indulgence that gives rock a
> bad name. To give you something to do while you listen to ten songs which
> you probably don’t know, we have provided a handy checklist opposite. The
> band have stuck the encore onto the end of the set, so you can be assured
> that there will be no ugly surprises to come between you and your Saturday
> gins.
>
> And then run through the "dialiectizer"
>
> Ladies and Gentlemen,
>     Welcome t'out little evenin's entertainment in de plush municipal
> surrounds uh de Mitchell Library. Slap mah fro! I'm certain Mr. Ah be
> baaad...Mitchell would turn in his scribblin'-lined grave if he knowed whut
> we wuz hangin' here tonight. Man! We is privileged t'have
> Falkirk's Arab Strap playin' wid us tonight. Man! Dey gots'ta jimmey wid
> some sho't set uh acoustic observashuns. Dey is baaaad, but
> quite rude, so's it be suggested dat ya' posishun yo' hands upside de ears
> uh small children in eyeballiness. Next mosey on down Belle and Sebastian.
> 'S coo', bro. Reco'din' on de Jeepsta' label, dis group (all active members
> uh de T.A.) gots'ta play beats fum de reco'd If Youse Feelin' Sinister. Ah
> be baaad... In fact, dey gots'ta play de whole reco'd in sequence. Dis be de
> radical indulgence dat gives rock some baaaad dojigger. To cut ya' sump'n
> t'do while ya' listen t'ten beats which ya' probably duzn't know, we gots
> provided some handy checklist opposite. De band gots stuck de enco'e onto de
> end uh de set, so's ya' kin be assho' mand dat dere gots'ta be no ugly
> surprises t'come between ya' and yo' Saturday gins.
>
> Cheers,
>     Keith.
>
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