Sinister: Trick or Treat

[Adrian Evans]

On Saturday night I went down the Fizgig n Firkin on the old Iron
Bridge, and after a couple of pints plucked up the courage to ask the
man with the white face and the red eyes if I could score "Some of the
good stuff".  He punched me square on the nose and said "BOO" and made
me cry.

It was at this point that I realised it was Halloween and I had made
another of my terrible schoolboy errors.  I decided to make the most of
my mistake and join in the fun. so I went home with my tears and dressed
up as Stuart Murdoch.

On returning to the Firkin, I made my way to the bar for another pint of
brainrot.  The bar area was jam-packed with witches and ghosts and just
plain weird cross-dressing sorts and I was amazed at how easily I got to
the bar.  At was at this point I realised all the boys had run a mile
and the barman flatly refused to serve me because "I didn't look
eighteen". I told him "I hadn't looked eighteen for twenty-seven years
now" and that he "Could stick his pint up his fat arse".
He told me to "Stop being such a clever c***"  and punched me square on
the nose.  

It was at this point I realised that this was the man I had earlier
asked for class A drugs.

I decided to cut my losses and went home to nurse my injuries.  No
sooner had I walked through the door than the doorbell rang and there
were half-a-dozen mini-witches/ghosts/skelebones stood on the doorstep
shouting trick or treat.  Now being the kind natured soul I am I usually
just give the kids some poisoned sweets or maggot-filled apples, but due
to my ill-fortune that night I was not in the giving mood.  I thought
momentarily then asked "You can have the goodies if you can reel off ten
four-letter naughty words in 90 seconds...You're moment of truth starts
now". They couldn't have been more than six years old I tell you...24
rude words...and called me a "Poof" for good measure.

I went upstairs and sang songs to Andrew Lloyd Webber in the bath and he
tossed me off whilst eating a tobleronesque baked-Alaska.

I don't have any morals so there probably isn't one attached to this
story, besides which Honey doesn't like attachments being sent to the
list...boom boom. 
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