Sinister: Piping Hot Smut!

[PJMiller]

Where to begin? With an apology, perhaps. Sorry if I gave
the impression that I didn't believe certain revelations the
other day. It's not that I don't beleive them, it's just
that I'm pig sick with jealousy. I mean just look at him -
he writes a load of crap about falling off his bike and gets
called a genius; he sings as if someone's gotten hold of his
grollocks and people say he has the voice of an angel; he
wears succession of frankly dubious t-shirts and his arms
are showered with praises. The only way I can stomach the
success of that swine is if every so often someone asks "IS
STUART MURDOCH A BIG GAY PUFF?" which is unlikely to happen
if everybody thinks Ding Dong is Mad Dog's bird.

Trousers wrote:

I am not Chris Geddes! I refuse to accept the name given to
me by English
oppressors. You may now call me Maccaiighghhhgh X. The
Dumfries Resistance
Brigade is dedicated to the overthrow of the Sassenach
Police State by any
means necessary. We only agree to this interview if it is
conducted
entirely in Gaelic.

Have you been hanging out in my local supermarket, Trousers?
I have endeavoured to "stay pressed" all weekend in your
honour. I am impressed by your grasp of current affairs
and/or your imagination.

Which is more than can be said for Naughty Robert:

I may be treading on dodgy ground here, but fuck me, the
Baader-Meinhof gang
were cool.

I watched a documentary about them once, and it was more
chilling than cool, especially the dramatic moment when
what's her name decides it's time for action instead of
words. Most disturbing. Fortunately I know that Robert is
merely pushing back the boundaries of top comedy, and I had
to do some judicious editing to make him look like a psycho.
And besides which, I just wrote "BIG GAY PUFF" in reference
to Stuart Murdoch, so I can hardly talk. Didn't that Auteurs
bloke have a group named after them? There are lots of
reggae instrumentals named after similar organisations in
Africa. Well, probably not all that similar. But there
aren't many named after Save the Children or the Women's
Institute or the British Legion or RADA.

Megan, I'm not married, and neither is my wife. It's a long
story. As for insults, I don't mind being called a "bucket
of stale wee-wee" and a "fat clown", but I do feel a great
deal of resentment at being accused of having "boring
packaging ideas" and living in "Neorockland".

In fact, I live in failed soul-rock fusion land. My latest
purchase is "Songs/Hey Love" by Rotary Connection. What a
strange how-do-you-do it is! Warm and cold, fast and slow,
intimate and distant, freaked out and relaxed, all at the
same time. Minnie Ripperton is as high pitched as ever, but
doesn't quite reach the sublime heights of "Loving You",
which I suppose is inevitable. But I'm not disappointed,
because it contains a version of Cream's "Tales of Brave
Ulysses", which once featured in a Trouser Press poem. Have
you got any more poems like that one, Stephen? We could do
with a bit of fucking culture round here.

Speaking of great literature, I must say how much I'm still
enjoying "The Dirty Trilogy of Havana" by Pedro Juan
Gutierrez, rarely have I felt so close to an author.

On saturday I went to the pictures and it was "There's
Something About Mary" and Jonathan Richman was up a tree and
he was dubbed into Spanish and it spoilt it, but the film
was good it was funny and it made me laugh and it continued
my amazing run of films with wanking in them and Macaroon
Diaz is quite good looking, I admit it, but how come on one
had told me that one of my all-time heroes is in it? I
refer, of course, to Brummie comedian ( I think he's
Brummie) Lee Evans. Who'd have thought it? From hilarious
Norman Wisdom impersonator to box office smash and forces
sweetheart.   It's a strange world.

Yes I did know that Brynsley Forbes (or something) out of
Aswad was in the Double Deckers. I fancied Tiger like mad, I
wish she'd join the list.

Thank you for listening to my incessant drivel.

Peter

" I like to masturbate while smelling my own armpits." -
Pedro Juan Gutierrez

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