Sinister: Fw: 1998 Darwin Awards (fwd)

[Denise Power]

I know it's long but really, it's so funny, especially no.12
I thought you peeps might like it !
dee
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1998 13:02:43 +0000 (GMT)
From: Denise Power <denisep at xxx.ie>
To: tom o'doherty <tom at netsoc.ucd.ie>
Subject: Fw: 1998 Darwin Awards (fwd)



---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1998 17:49:17 -0000
From: someone <cullenb at xxx.ie>
To: fjon <fjon.klein at kfunigraz.ac.at>, denise <denisep at netsoc.ucd.ie>,
    nuala <nuala.buckley at kfunigraz.ac.at>
Subject: Fw: 1998 Darwin Awards


"little green men do ok, it's the faeries' revenge
they say"
-----Original Message-----
From: Conor Rapple <rapplec at xxx.com>
To: cullenb at connect.ie <cullenb at connect.ie>
Date: 05 November 1998 16:03
Subject: Fwd: 1998 Darwin Awards


>hi girlie
>here's stuff
>
>>
>>1998 Darwin Awards
>>
>>They have finally been released!
>>
>>For those not familiar with the Darwin Award - It's an annual honor
>>given to the person who did the universal human gene pool the  biggest
>>service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily  stupid way.  As
>>always, competition this year has been keen again. Some  candidates
>>appear to have trained their whole lives for this event.
>>
>>The Darwin Awards Nominees:
>>
>> 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got     stuck and
>>drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through  an
>>18-inch wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>>
>> 2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who  "totally
>>zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally  jogged off a
>>200-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>>
>> 3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole  he had
>>dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers  said
>>Daniel Jones,
>>21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the  wind, and had been
>>sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
>>collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.  People on the beach,
>>on the
>>outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
>>Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,VA, but could not reach him.
>>
>>It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
>>him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
>>hospital.
>>
>> 4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc,  CA, as
>>he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
>>burglarizing.
>>
>>Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in  his mouth
>>(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he  hit
>>the floor.
>>
>> 5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick  Berrena,
>>20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey  Hoffman,
>>23 who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
>>vest Berrena was wearing.
>>
>> 6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
>>Selbyville, Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
>>put a  revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
>>trigger.
>>
>> 7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel  Kolta,
>>27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus  earning a
>>tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
>>
>> 8. AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre
>>accidents.
>>
>>Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying  
>masonry=
>>,
>>Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and  cuts on his
>>chest, arms and face,
>>Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue,
>>and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been
>>bitten  off.
>>
>>Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
>>and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him.
>>"I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really close
>>to the  car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't
>>have been  for more than two seconds."  However, cab driver Vegas did
>>see, and lost control of
>>his  cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson
>>Medical
>>Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
>>Corcoran's teeth.  The crash of the cab against the building made her
>>jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit
>>down, severing two fingers  from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was
>>caused by a falling piece of  the medical building.
>>
>> 9. TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
>>three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to
>>draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A
>>translator
>>arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie
>>Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being
>>unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one,  she realized
>>something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill  with a
>>sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few
>>blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam  from her mouth,
>>throat, and stomach with no ill effects.
>>
>> 10. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
>>friends when one of them said they knew a person who had
>>bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.
>>The  conversation grew more heated and a least 10 men trooped along
>>the walkway  of the  bridge at 4:30 a.m.
>>Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered  that no
>>one had
>>brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued  drinking, volunteered
>>and pointed out that a coil of cable had been  left near the railing.
>>Bingham's
>>leg and the other end was tied to the  bridge.
>>
>>His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore  his foot
>>off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the  icy
>>river water
>>and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can  say,"said
>>Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
>>just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
>>
>> 11. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a
>>robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact
>>that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally
>>stupid choices as listed below:
>>1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
>>2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a
>>substantial portion of the adult population is    licensed to carry
>>concealed handguns in public
>>   places;
>>3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked       patrol  car
>>parked at the front door;
>>4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the       counter,
>>having coffee before reporting to duty.    Upon seeing the officer,
>>the  would-be robber    announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots.
>>The    officer  and a clerk promptly returned fire,    removing him
>>from the gene pool.  Several other    customers also drew their guns,
>>but didn't fire. No    one else was hurt.
>>
>> 12. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when  he
>>decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
>>tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a
>>large rock.  He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even
>>tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the
>>pistol.
>>
>>The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him.
>>Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden
>>dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was
>>dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman, and was taken to
>>hospital, where he died - of hypothermia.
>>
>>DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
>> (1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
>>millipede with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet
>>ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in
>>the head,  fracturing his skull.
>>
>> (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to  clean
>>outc obwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
>>propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
>>floors of his house.
>>
>> (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township,  NJ, in
>>September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
>>dynamite that blew up in their car. While around at 2 AM, the bored
>>couple
>>lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
>>happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was 
>closed=
>>.
>>
>>AND THE WINNER IS.... Japan Times -- April 16, 1997
>>
>>"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
>>'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told
>>reporters.  "If this
>>perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's
>>manhood."
>>
>>He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai
>>Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most
>> 'Pumpers' use a
>>standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the  nozzle far up
>>their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary
>>high. This act is a sin against God."
>>
>>It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still. He  started
>>using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough
>>for him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the
>>compressed air
>>hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it, so, under
>>cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the machine
>>was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in
>>the slot. As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by
>>still in shock.
>>One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display, and
>>started clapping.
>>"We still haven't located all of him", say the  police authorities.
>>"When that quantity of air interacted with the  gas in his system, he
>>nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something."
>>
>>"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all  say no to Satan,"
>>Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide
>>your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
>>
>>Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998  undisputed
>>Darwin Award recipient!
>>
>>
>>Thomas McCarthy
>>mccartho at ie.ibm.com
>>thomasmccarthy at hotmail.com
>>phone: +353-1-815-8448
>>
>>=
>>
>
>
>______________________________________________________
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