Sinister: Drunken crooning

[Martin Horsfield]

Sarah the jakey magnet wrote a fab story about a drunk misbehaving on
the train to Penrith.

Well, a similar thing happened to me at Glasgow Central station
(unsurprisingly enough, it's a veritable haven for 'em). There I was,
waiting to meet a couple of girls who were coming through from Stirlng
to meet me and go to a gig. It was about 5pm on a Saturday afternoon and
I decided to wait in the bar.

After about ten minutes, I'd attracted the attentions of a Rab C Nesbitt
type and his hideous bag lady consort. Every song that came on the
jukebox, they insisted on crooning along, and clearly saw me as some
kind of party pooper, sitting there reading the NME, looking vaguely
sheepish. 

Of course, they clocked that I quite liked music and wouldn't let it go,
saying stuff like, "aaaghh this ish a fucken cracker issnnit you English
bassad!" when Celine Dion or somesuch came on the jukebox. Eventually I
opted for an 'if you can't beat them, join them' policy and started to
join in with the songs (the cold drinks might have been taking an effect
at this point). 

In short, we bonded. I got more drinks in (syrupy lager all round) and
at 6 o'clock, the girls I was supposed to be meeting were confronted
with the sight of me and two pensionable jakeys slurring along to
'Crying' by Roy Orbison. 

Needless to say, it was a long night.

"All we've done since we got here is drink wine and screw,"
"What do you suggest?"
"Tomorrow let's pray for beer!"
 
Martin Horsfield
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