Sinister: he swallowed his pride and puckered his lips..

[Chris Leonard]

...hello, it's Cro-Magnon Chris.  Sorry for not being the most
communicative of chums recently, but I've been busy stalking Sarah
Wheeler. Sarah you look particularly radiant this morning. I'm watching
you right now.  So, where to start.  The incomparably generous Miss
Julia bought me the latest Robin Williamson release yesterday out of
sweetness, and my large headed idol has not let me down.  It's got his
lovely wife and young daughter singing on it too, both of whom sport a
beard and cravat just like Robin.  There's a really good tune on it
about his dog who is the finest and fastest greyhound in the world.  But
one day as the dog ran round and round and round and round and round and
round the garden it ran right over a scythe which someone left amongst
the long grass and the nettles.  The poor dog was split right down the
middle, in two halves like a baguette.  But Robin thought quickly and
sprinkled white vinegar over the two halves of the dog and tied it back
together using shreds of a dish towel.  The dog was as good as new,
apart from one thing.  Robin had put the two halves of the dog the wrong
way round, so now it could bark at both ends.   Top!  It's an old song
really I think, just given a bit of mystical reworking.   

put your foot on da muthafuckin brake homeboy.  That's for Megan.  Oh
and look, another competition too, from Mediterranean beauty charlotte
hall!  It's a bit of a mind number that, like when I think of what came
before God.  Grr, I want a go on that brain expander from Forbidden
Planet, and a Furby for Christmas.  

It's a truly frosty morning, colder than a witches tit.  Somewhere in
this city i can imagine our little belle and sebastian chums all huddled
up in a bed made for eight.   With paddington bear on the bedspread.
Who's turn is it to make breakfast for everyone this morning?  Well it's
Tuesday so it's martin and murdochs turn.  But sarah wont get out of the
bed cos it's too damn cold, and struan wont because he's got his morning
stiffy.  So I guess they'll have to stay there all day, or until one of
them has to go for a wee-wee.  That is if they haven't been wee-weeing
in micks trumpet all night.  god help me.

joey d
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