Sinister: Smell Dee Hepburn's Feet

[Warrander John - FML]

Oh dear, I'm being drawn in by the might of "the beautiful game".
It's a thin line between minor flirtation and full on obsession you
know. Actually, it's a wide gulf really, but I do seem to be
managing to bridge that gulf at a frightening pace. A Japanese
friend of mine told me that she worried about British football
hooligans coming to Japan for the World Cup in 2002. I put her
straight, they won't be British, they'll be bloody English. Of
course, I don't really have any Japanese friends, certainly not
female ones. But I have a dream. And dreams come true. Didn't
John Gordon Sinclair sing that on TOTP once? Was he singing
about wet dreams? How do wet dreams come true? I don't
understand that. Am I stupid? Not as stupid as whoever thought
Clare Grogan fancying John Gordon Sinclair was believable
casting. Someone called Jake D'Arcy played Phil Menzies in
Gregory's Girl and there's someone called Jake D'Arcy on the
Shalala mailing list. D'you think they invited the entire cast and
he was the only one that joined? I'll bet they're well pissed off
Clare Grogan didn't. She's hard she is. She'd eat the entire
Shalala cast for breakfast. I think it's quite hurtful that people
have been saying bad things about that list behind their backs
so I'm going to say it to their faces. They don't let you though.
It's a scary world where all subversive opinions are suppressed
and filtered out by someone called Pete in a "Twee As Fuck"
t-shirt before they get to YOU, the people. I'm sure some dodgy
political and religious groups throughout history have employed
this tactic. I'm too ignorant to know which ones though. There is
no humour in the world of Shalala. There isn't. Go look. It's true.

Anyway, what I really meant to say was, has everybody read that
joke about our heroes on the letter's page of the NME this week? I
thought it was quite amusing so the suggestion that B&S fans are
tight-arsed miserable sods that don't appreciate a good joke is right
out of the window. The person who wrote it was from Aberdeen.
I'm always proud when someone from Aberdeen gets a letter
published in the NME.

And I wish I could remember what it is Nancy Sinatra sings on Kinky
Love. Something about "I know he's a man and he's got to have his
Kinky Love". Isn't Nancy great? I fancy her. Especially the bits she's
had cut off. I actually own them. They're in a jar next to my bed and
I take them out and lick them every once in a while. I keep them in
whisky, so they taste pretty good. I was going to use that line about a
man needing his kinky love as my signature. But since I can't
remember it, I'll use something Filthy McRagtag told me instead.
Except I promised myself I wouldn't say anything bad about the Duke
anymore and Robert probably doesn't want me telling the world what
he's been saying in private.

Kinky Love People,
Kinky Love...John
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